


Sometimes, Home has a Heartbeat

by salem (guccisuit)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Barista Liam, Book Shop AU, Fake Dating, Harry Centric, M/M, all other characters are pretty minor but still play a big part in their lives, also im bad at summaries, coffee shop AU, harry has a cat, harrys kinda a dick for like 5 minutes, liam has a dog but he doesnt live with him, lowkey, pure fluff, theres literally no angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 04:58:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8273773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guccisuit/pseuds/salem
Summary: After moving across country for college, Harry has a hard time feeling at home anywhere. He's become a hardened version of himself, cynical and jaded. He's done a good job of isolating himself from most of his friends and choosing to work as often as he can so he can afford to get home for Christmas. It takes a few months, a lot of coffee and a very persistent barista but Harry starts to figure himself out and learn that sometimes, home has a heartbeat





	

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i finally finished another lirry fic! thank you to everyone that helped me out with this.
> 
> as always, [@autumn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/penelopes/) for listening to all of my ideas even though you don't care that much. i need it sometimes.  
> [@c](http://archiveofourown.org/users/hstyles/) for once again helping me out with the little things, giving me feedback and laughing at all of my jokes.  
> [@amanda](http://lirryonce.tumblr.com/) for always giving me amazing feedback and being there from day one.  
> [@viv](http://preciouspayne.tumblr.com/) for being my #1 fan
> 
> title from [beau taplin](https://twitter.com/beautaplin/status/488212354883006464)
> 
> also it was very quickly beta'd so any mistakes i am to blame for!

It’s slow in the shop, though Harry supposes every Tuesday is slow. And Wednesday. Thursdays, too. Sometimes they get strangely busy on Monday afternoons but weekends tend to be a bit isolated. At least that’s how his side of the shop is. Not his side like he owns it, but his side like the side he works on. They’re too close to the college campus for anyone around here to care about visiting a bookstore, in fact the only time Harry’s forced to look up from whatever book he has his nose stuck in by the bell over the door is when exhausted students drag themselves out of bed and into the coffee shop on the other side of the building. But even that only happened half of the year. And unfortunately, it wasn’t this half of the year. Soon though? Just a few more weeks of this quiet before school comes bustling back into his life. 

It works out, the combination shop idea that the owners concocted all those years ago when they first opened this place. The Kaffee Cafe (und bucher). Harry hadn’t known if it was just a strange attempt at cute word play or if the owners were actually German when he applied; it’d turned out they were Scottish and trying very hard to be cute. Still, Harry liked them. They were a married couple, moved to Seattle when they were barely twenty and set their sights on having their own business. It was small, it was unknown, but it made them happy. 

It made Harry happy too, because it gave him something to do instead of sulking around his bedroom as he watched all of his friends post on Twitter about their incredible summer adventures, their vacations, the many many many places they’re all off visiting without even one speck of an invitation directed to Harry. He was fine though, because he had the bookstore and even though it was never particularly busy he still always had something to be doing.

This week he’s reading The Bell Jar which, of course, he had started jokingly a week prior in a way to make himself seem like the type of guy that reads The Bell Jar in his spare time while two incredibly stupid-hot girls roamed the YA Fiction section, just waiting for one of them to make a comment on how sensitive he must be. It never happened, Harry questioned if he was even still attractive to girls, decided he was. And then he ended up getting enthralled with Esther Greenwood and her inability to understand the world around her.

He thumbs to the next page, exhaling a slight sigh as a customer enters the shop.

“Welcome to Kaffe Cafe!” Harry hears a cheerful voice beam, he knows the voice. It belongs to the boy that works the coffee shop, the barista. Harry didn't know his name, just that he seems to be in college since he usually had textbooks with him. 

“Und bucher,” Harry mumbles, it was something they were told to do, a quirk of the store that usually made the entering customers chortle. 

“What can I help you ladies with today?” 

Harry looks up from his book now, glancing across the room to the enthusiastic barista. They’ve worked together for almost a year now, but Harry’s never been one for making friends at work. 

The women shake their head at the boy, moving past the coffee counter and towards the used book section, Harry glances back down at the pages. 

Harry stops eavesdropping on the girls’ conversation happening near him after ‘No, that’s the thing, he didn’t even ASK if he could put it in there… He just did it. I was shocked…’ Harry doesn’t want to learn where that was. He shuts the world around him off, only recognizing the words jumping off the page at him.

_I rolled onto my back again and made my voice casual. "If you were going to kill yourself, how would you do it?" Cal seemed pleased. "I've often thought of that. I'd blow my brains out with a gun." I was disappointed. It was just like a man to do it with a gun._

This book was so raw, he’d been into books like this. Books that with issues that he never thought he’d be interested in reading about, but here he was. It made him wonder if anyone in his life had issues like these.

_I'd already read in the papers about people who'd tried to shoot themselves, only they ended up shooting an important nerve and getting paralyzed or blasting their face off, but being saved, by surgeons and a sort of miracle, from dying outright._

The bell over the door chimes again, dragging Harry’s eyes towards it in time to see the girls walk out. Good Riddance. Harry just wants quiet today.

“Well they didn’t seem too friendly,” The barista sighs, wiping down the already clean counter. “I think I’ve seen one of them around before though. At the university, yeah?”

It takes Harry until the long pause after the boy’s question to realize it was directed at him. He lets out a sigh and offers him a smile. He definitely wasn’t going to get quiet today. “I’ve never seen her but I don't that pay much attention to people, you know?” 

“Yeah.” The barista furrows his eyebrows like he’s deep in thought for a moment. “I’ve got a mate that brings lots of ladies around is all. Probably saw her with him.”

Harry nods, lowering his eyes back to his book. 

“I’m Liam, by the way. Do you go to school?”

Harry closes his eyes for a moment, sighing and marking his page before shutting the book and setting it on the counter. It’s not that he’s anti-social, or that he has a problem with making new friends or anything. He’s just tired today. He’s just wanting to read so he can get through his shift and then go home to his cat and watch Mr. Robot like a normal, well rounded twenty-two year old. 

“Yeah, I do. UW. Go Huskies.” He raises his fist in a weak pump and smiles over at the boy. At Liam. “Been enjoying a very quiet summer though. Most of my friends have gone off on adventures but some of us have to work to live.” Harry points at himself, sighing again. “How about you, Liam?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m there too actually. Big campus, huh? You’d think you’d see someone you know but I rarely even see my roommates. The library looks like Hogwarts. Have you been in there? You probably like to read more than I do so I’m sure you have.” Liam lets out a quiet laugh, rubbing the back of his neck like he’s nervous. It’s a strange interaction, Harry leaning against the book counter while Liam is confined in his small coffee corner, a whole store stretched out between them.

“You aren’t a reader?”

“Poor comprehensive skills, I’ve been told.” He laughs again and Harry can’t seem to understand what’s funny about not reading at age twenty-whatever. “I wanted to study English, actually. I do love literature, it’s interesting to me. I just… struggle.” Liam shrugs and looks down bashfully. “I had a summer reading list though and totally smashed it.”

“Really?” Endearing. “What books?”

“Oh, just like John Green’s books, finally finished Harry Potter. Those alone took up most of June and July.” He laughs again. “I never said it was a long list.”

“Eugh, John Green? You can do better than that, man.” Harry laughs a bit and bends down behind the counter, digging through his personal collection of books he’s taken off the shelves and hidden under there. “I can’t say anything about Harry Potter because those books are ace. You really ought to read the Lord of the Rings books if you’re into that kind of genre.” He says, raising his voice a bit from where he’s crouched so Liam could hear him. “Ah, here.” He stands. 

“You need to read this. Fuck John Green. Here’s a good YA novel.” Harry hand gestures for Liam to come his way, dropping the book onto the counter after wards and making his way back to the stool he perches in.

“It’s Kind of a Funny Story?” Liam reads, humming gently. “Isn’t that a movie?”

“The movie’s based off the book, just read it. Then we’ll work you up to Bukowski.”

Liam nods, crossing back to his side of the store and shoving the book into the backpack he leaves sitting in the rear of his station. “Thanks, um, what was your name?”

“Hershel.” Harry replies just because he’s a _bit_ of an ass.

***

Harry can barely hear anything over his headphones this morning, he hasn’t had an ounce of caffeine and the less people that talk to him before his body wakes up, the better. It’s only five am, after all and it’s bad enough he has to work so early but that’s what happens when your place of employment has about five people that work there. 

He huffs a sigh and pulls the straps on his backpack up on his shoulders as he rounds the corner. Harry’s not one of those people that makes stupid jokes about ‘don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee’ followed by forced caucasian laughter but it’s mornings like today that make him almost understand those people. He feels like his whole summer has been spent tired. As if it’s an emotion for him. His default emotion. 

He nods his head side to side as his turns the volume up to it’s max, there’s only a few more yards until he has to tuck the music away and turn his soul over to capitalism. Just a few more notes, a few more chords.

 _’Call me a safe bet, I’m betting I’m not’._ The guitars come in heavy, _’Glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes you can forget.’_

Harry’s only a few feet away now. He pulls one headphone out and reached is into his pocket for his copy of the shop keys, blowing a long stream of air between his pursed lips. 

With his new found hearing he can make out the sound of boots slapping against concrete behind him. It’s early enough in the morning and he’s seen enough episodes of Law & Order: SVU to tense up. Should he stop to unlock the store still? Should he pass the store and do a lap just to see if the person behind him on the otherwise completely empty street is following him or not? What if he stops to unlock the door then the person behind him _is_ following him and they use his moment of vulnerability to not only jump him but also rob the store blind? 

The footsteps slow as Harry reaches the door to the shop and just as he’s about to make a run for it there’s a hand grabbing his shoulder and Harry jumps so high he thinks he'll come right out of his shoes. 

“I PRACTICE MARTIAL ARTS!” He screams (lies) at the top of his lungs as he turns around and tries to look menacing. 

He’s greeted with a laugh and a crinkle-eyed smile. “No offense, man. I’ve boxed since I was eleven. I think I could take you.” Liam smoothes the shoulder of Harry’s shirt before taking a step back and giving him some space.

Harry’s eyes are still blown wide as Lism talks to him, his heart beating so hard it could pop out of his chest at any moment. “Christ,” He mumbles. I about had a heart attack, Liam.” He looks at Liam’s hand as it caresses his shoulder, dragging his eyes up to his wrist. His forearm. Elbow. Bicep. Harry swallows, stepping back at the same time. “Probably could take me, honestly.” He flashes Liam a smile and fumbles a bit with the shop keys again, turning to unlock the door and push through. 

“Was shouting your name for miles, I didn't know you opened today. Thought I’d be with Perrie when I picked up the shift.”

“Perrie? Is that the blonde one or the one that changes her hair all the time?”

“Uh, both? She was pink a few months before you started here. Purple before that. Though I guess you’d just remember her as the blonde one. The other is Jade, I bet. Unless you mean Eleanor but she doesn't really change her hair now that I think about it.”

“I know Eleanor.” Harry replies, pulling his backpack straps off his shoulder and dropping it to the ground under his counter. “She opens the coffee counter on days I open. Other than that I usually only work with you.” 

Liam nods, crossing to his side of the store. “Her dog had a vet appointment today, couldn't reschedule again so here I am.”

“Here you are.” Harry smiles, hitting a few light switches on his side of the store as Liam does the same on his. “Were you looking forward to working with Perrie or will I suffice?”

“I suppose I’ll get over it. Though she usually has gossip for me about the boy that was in our Spanish Literature class last semester. I think they're seeing each other but she won't admit it.” Liam sighs like he’s genuinely disheartened and Harry decides he doesn't like that at all. 

“I can gossip.” Harry retorts, pulling a cart of book returns out from behind the counter and moving towards the shelves. “I’ve loads of gossip, I eavesdrop constantly.” 

“Is that so?” Liam raises and eyebrow, flipping on a few machines before shaking his head and grabbing a fresh stack of paper cups. “Mr. Nosey over here. Have any good stuff to tell?”

Harry shrugs, he hasn't actually been around many people lately. “Well, do you remember those girls last week? One of them was talking all about how some guy put something, _somewhere_ without asking. Now personally I take that as accidental anal but it's unconfirmed.”

Liam’s eyes blow wide then he lets out the loudest laugh Harry’s ever heard. “You’re nuts, Hersh.” Liam continues to laugh like that for a few moments.

Harry decided he likes that. 

“Do you wanna be my first customer of the day?” Liam asks after he settles from the laugh. 

“That sounds good and all but I'm really picky about how I take my drinks. No one but me and my mom can make it properly.” Harry sighs at the idea of refusing some sort of caffeine but he can barely stomach drinks made by other people. 

“Yeah, well, you haven't let me try yet. I bet I can make you a perfect tea without you even having to tell me how you take it.” Liam smiles so widely that Harry can't barely stand to refuse him again. 

“Fine,” Harry sighs, he’ll stomach the worst drink in the world if it means Liam keeps smiling like that. “But I’m not paying.”

Liam laughs again and Harry could melt if this continues. “We get free drinks you dork.”

Harry smiles and shrugs, pushing the cart further into the bookshelves so he could start restocking.

It only takes a few moments for Liam to call out for Harry again. Or call out for Hershel… Harry should really correct him but it already feels too late and he honestly feels like a bit of a dick for lying in the first place. 

Harry grunts from where he’s stood on a stool to place a book on the top shelf. “Over here, just come here Liam.”

And Liam does, he rounds the corner with a disposable cup of tea and a big smile on his face. “Here! Just how you like it, you’ll find.”

Harry smiles, stepping down to level ground and taking the cup from Liam’s hands. “Cheers,” he mumbles, placing the cup on his book cart. 

“Aren't you going to try it?” Liam nudges Harry’s arm, looking at him expectantly. 

“Right!” Harry grimaces a bit, picking the cup back up and raises it to his lips. _Don’t gag. Don’t gag. Don't gag it'll hurt his feelings._ Harry takes a small sip, then a bigger one. Then he turns to Liam. “This is good?” He says, surprised. “Like really good.” His eyebrows furrow as he looks down at the cup. It's not just good, it’s actually perfect. It's truly the exact way Harry would have made his own drink. He looks back to Liam who, of course, is smiling. “How the hell-”

“It’s a talent.”

“More like a super power. What is it? Can you read minds?”

“Can read people, more like.”

Harry smiles at that, taking another drink before sitting the cup down again. “You can read minds, read people, but not books?”

Liam laughs again, glancing down like he’s bashful again. Then his head snaps up, “Oh! That reminds me.” Then he’s gone for a few moments, returning with a book held tight in his grasp. “I did finish this.” 

Harry reaches over and plucks the book from Liam’s hands, “And how was it?”

“Sad.” Liam frowns a bit and Harry wants to reach over and smooth the lines between his eyebrows. “Did you know the author killed himself not that long ago?”

Harry nods, looking down at the book. “I cried, mate.” He offers Liam a smile. “I’ll have to find a happy one for the next recommendation.”

“Yeah, yeah. Definitely a happy one.”

The bell over the door chimes and Liam’s eyes widen. “Better get to work.” He says before backing out of the aisle and out of Harry’s sight. 

 

***

“It was a toothbrush.” Liam says as he steps through the front door of the shop. It’s the first rainy Thursday in October, meaning it's the first Thursday in October and rainy as most days in October are in Seattle, and Liam’s fringe is stuck to his forehead from being outside without an umbrella. 

“What are you talking about Liam?” Harry sighs without looking up from his book. Today it’s The Hobbit. He’s been meaning to reread it for ages now. 

“That girl that had a boy put something without asking.” Liam must catch Harry’s eyebrows furrow in confusion because he pushes on. “Remember? Two girls came in the shop and you eavesdropped and heard her saying he put something, somewhere without asking and you said it was accidental-” Liam looks around the shop now, noticing an older couple browsing the books. “-anal.” He whispers, still earning a strange look from the blue haired lady. 

Harry lets out a loud laugh, covering it with his hand until he gets himself under control. “Liam that was weeks ago, have you been sleuthing?”

“No, no. Well, sort of. Not really.” He looks bashful as he peels his jacket off and drapes it over the hanger. He crosses to the coffee counter and takes the ‘will return soon’ sign that goes up between shifts down. “Remember I said I thought I recognized one of them? Well I was right. Apparently my friend's been seeing one for awhile. He never told me but I met her the other day, they're official now.”

“That's great for them and all Liam but I still don't know why you're telling me-”

“They became official in August when he put his toothbrush in her bathroom without asking.” Liam replies, cutting Harry off. Then Liam laughs again, a big laugh that Harry likes to hear. 

“It was a toothbrush.” Harry repeats, closing his book after marking his spot. “God. Case closed I guess.” He laughs gently, shaking his head. “Does your friend seem like the kind of guy to initiate accidental anal, though?” Harry can hear the old lady a few aisles over scoff but he’s never cared about what people think about him. 

Liam’s eyes are wide, but there's a smile on his lips. “I don't think he’d know what to do.”

“Pity.”

“Pity.” Liam repeats with a smirk before grabbing his towel and wiping down the counter. 

***

“I’m going on lunch,” Harry hears Liam say apologetically. He glances around the shelf to see Liam with his apron off and the ‘will return soon’ sign already up trying to tell a customer that he’s already clocked out and is on a time limit.

“You clocked out when you saw me enter.” The customer replies, crossing their arms and Liam looks defeated. Harry hates it. 

“Actually, sir, there was no way he could have known you wanted coffee. You see, our shop offers multiple services.” Harry interrupts, stepping out from the aisles. “I’ll have to ask you to leave if you wish to continue harassing our barista.”

“Is that so? I’d like to speak to your manager then.”

“That’s me, man.” Harry lies, “And I'm telling you that you need to leave.”

The customer huffs, turning from Harry to give Liam a foul look before heading out of the door and stomping off down the street. 

Liam breathes a sigh of relief, “Thanks, Hersh.”

Harry nods, heading back to the shelf he was stocking. “No problem, have a good lunch Li.”

The shop falls quiet for awhile, just a few customers coming in and out. Harry checks out a few students, an elderly couple and a tired looking mom in a half an hour. He checks the time on his phone, replying to a text as he does so, then hums as he starts reshelving again. 

“Oh, there you are. I didn't think I heard you leave.” Harry chimes as he comes across Liam sitting curled in a large chair in the back of the store. “No food today?”

Liam raises the book out of his lap, smiling up at Harry like he’s proud of himself for making it to the fifth book on Harry’s reclist. Harry’s pretty proud too. “Wanted to finish this before our shifts ended. I've got two more chapters.” He glances back down, marking the page and closing his book so he can give Harry his attention. 

Harry’s not certain why something so small makes his stomach do a flip but he crosses to the chair and drops down onto the arm. When Liam’s arm snakes around Harry’s waist and pulls him into his lap it takes all of Harry’s willpower to not completely melt into the touch. 

It's strange, honestly. They've only been _friends_ for three months or something like that and they don't talk out of work and Liam doesn't even know his first name and Liam could be straight and and and… Harry sighs and turns his head to look at Liam, offering him a small smile. “How are you enjoying this one?”

“It's not as happy as I wish it was but I also haven't cried yet.” Liam replied, pressing his forehead against Harry’s shoulder. “You really like sad books.”

“Excuse me, Liam. I enjoy thought provoking and realistic books.” Harry corrects. He reaches up and pushes Liam’s fringe off of his forehead, smiling at how soft it is. 

Liam gives Harry’s waist a squeeze as Harry’s hands toy with his hair. “That’s what's so sad about them. This stuff really happens.” He sighs and Harry can feel it on his arm. 

“I’ll give you a fantasy book next time, okay? A happy fantasy book. With elves.”

Liam’s face brightens and he opens his mouth to talk just as the bell over the door chimes. “Uh oh, better get to work, H. I've got about twenty minutes left on break but I'll be up there soon, yeah?”

Harry nods, standing up only after Liam releases his waist and gives his thigh a pat. “Fine, I'll go run the store by myself since you're lazy and reading a book. I mean who do you think you are? Me?”

Liam laughs a crinkle-eyed laugh and looks back down at his book. “Goodbye, Hershel.”

Harry pauses for a moment, “It's Harry.” He admits. 

“I know. You’ve a name tag.” Liam quirks an eyebrow, glances above his book with a smirk. “I’ve known your name for about a year.”

***

“There he is, in the flesh! Have you been hiding in this shop this whole time?” 

Harry lifts his head, still not used to being talked to at work by anyone who isn't Liam at this point, to find his friend Nick bounding over to his counter. 

“Uh, yeah?” He replied, straightening himself out. “Some of us have to work to live, you dick.” But he laughs with it, stepping out from behind the counter to hug his friend. “Did you just now get back to America?” 

Nick’s English. Or Harry thinks that's where he’s from. Definitely somewhere over there. He has a posh accent, not too thick and if you stop paying attention to it you could almost think he as American. He’s also too rich for his own good. Born into money and never choosing to leave, though Harry doesn't know anyone that would want to. 

Most of Harry’s friend group comes from Nick and they're all fairly similar. Rich, a little snobby, a little too into doing cocaine socially. They’re great and all, just living in a different world.

“Yeah, well, no.” Nick laughs and leans against the counter. “Got back last week but Cara’s dragged me all about so I've still been a bit out of it.”

Harry nods as Nick talks, suddenly not caring very much about what he’s been up to at all. 

“Was just wondering what my best mate was up to so I figured I’d drop by since you’ve forgotten how to reply to texts.”

Harry smiles weakly, “Sorry about that, i’ve just been working and if I'm not working then I'm in class. But we’ll see each other loads over fall break, right? Road trip to LA, baby!” 

Nick’s face breaks out into a grin that's almost too large. Harry can’t help but compare it to Liam's and watch it falter as he does so. Nick’s is almost sinister around the edges, too many teeth. Harry looks away, his eyes falling on Liam lounging in one of the shop’s plush arm chairs and reading Harry’s most recent recommendation. 

Nick picks up on what Harry’s looking at after he lets his eyes linger too long. 

“Oh, he is well fit!” Nick whispers, “No wonder you've been working so much, does he come in a lot?”

“He works here,” Harry starts, shaking his head. “He’s my coworker, he’s just..” Harry hesitates, shrugging instead of finishing his sentence as he turns away from Liam and moves back behind the counter. 

“What's his name?”

“Liam.” Harry sighs when he looks up at Nick, the other boy still staring across the room. Harry knows that look, wishes he didn't but Harry’s been out with Nick too many times, he’s seen Nick with that look on his face as he pulls whatever guys he chooses. 

“Well if you’re not interested then I don't mind if I do.” Nick laughs and pushes off of the counter, his long legs taking him across the room in only a few strides. 

But Harry’s got long legs too and he reaches Liam just as Nick’s about to open his mouth to talk. In one quick motion, Harry plants himself in Liam’s lap and drapes his arms around Liam’s neck. Liam’s face is twisted in confusion but his hands still find Harry’s waist to secure him.

“Are you alright, Harry?”

Harry just nods, turning to look up at Nick. “I never said I wasn't interested.” He starts, trying to ignore the way Liam’s eyes hit the side of his face. “In fact, Liam and I have been dating since this summer.” He can feel Liam tense up under him and it makes his heart drop into his stomach. He pushes on anyway, “We’re keeping it very quiet as workplace romances are frowned upon.” 

Nick nods, his eyebrows furrowed. “So you’ve been keeping a secret boyfriend?” Harry nods, Nick laughs. “Well good on you, mate! And I thought you didn't have it in you anymore!” Nick leans down, patting Harry on the head before taking a step back and folding his arms over his chest. Nick stares down at them, like he's sizing them up and Harry can feel Liam tense even more. “Now that I see you two together, I totally get it. A proper couple. Oh, I’ll have to tell Alexa about this immediately.” Nick grabs his phone and Harry all but jumps off of Liam’s lap and tackles him to the ground. 

“No!” He and Liam shout at the same time, looking at each other right after. Liam slinks back into the chair, looking bashful and Harry hates that he’s done this now. 

“It’s just.. That.. Um..” Harry closes his eyes for a second, just to ignore the look that Nick’s giving him. “It's a rather big secret, Grim. Not even my mom knows about it. We’re uh,” Harry swallows, “taking it slow.”

Nick nods, blowing a sigh through pursed lips. “Well then I best just leave it alone,” he shrugs, smiling towards Harry. “I'll leave you lovebirds to it then,” he says before turning his eyes to meet with Liam’s “It was a pleasure to almost meet you, Liam. If you ever get tired of that one-” Nick points a finger at Harry, “Look me up.” His smile goes sinister again as he backs away, turns on his heel and heads out of the store, shouting for Harry to text him when he’s off work. 

Silence falls over them for a moment as Harry waits to see Nick Grimshaw clear the door and head off down the street. It’s also silent because Harry has no idea what to say or where to even begin figuring that out. 

“I-I’m so sorry, Liam, that was so terrible of me to do that to you.” Harry’s eyes are squeezed shut and he feels like he’s drifting into nothingness to avoid how embarrassed he really is. The only thing tethering him to earth is Liam’s grip on his waist. His big, strong hands. A dreamy sigh slips from Harry’s lips before he realized what he’s doing and switches his thoughts. Liam’s huge, oversized, trash can lid hands. That’s better. 

“It’s okay, I think? Does this mean we’re dating? I don't know how I’ll tell my mom that I’m-”

“No, no, of course not!” Harry interrupts, ignoring the joke Liam’s attempting to make (and the near confirmation that Liam’s straight). “I just, I know Nick too well. He’s not that great of a guy.” Harry almost feels guilty for throwing his longtime friend under the bus like that just to protect someone he spent a year ignoring. 

“I don't think he’s my type anyway.” Liam says with a small laugh, his fingers giving Harry’s waist a slight squeeze. 

“Right,” Harry nods, choosing to stand up instead of endure anymore of Liam’s handsy antics. “I get it.” He offers Liam a smile before gesturing down to the book stuffed between Liam’s thigh and the chair. “Are you enjoying that one?”

Liam furrows his brows up at Harry for a moment, like he’s studying Harry and it’s enough to make Harry shift his weight awkwardly. Liam’s face smoothes out. “I am.” Liam says, nodding with a slight smile. “You’re great at recommendations.” Liam stands, stretching a little as he checks the time on his phone. “I better get back to my station, though.” 

“Sorry to keep you from it,” Harry sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Liam just smiles, his eyes crinkling and it raises Harry’s spirits enough to earn a smile from him as well. “I’ll never complain about you keeping me from work, Harry.” Liam starts, draping his arm around Harry’s shoulders. “Thanks for getting me out of that mess with your friend, I owe ya.” 

***

“Did you have a good fall break?” Liam asks the moment Harry steps foot through the door of the shop. 

Harry smiles, nodding as he crosses to his counter and tosses his backpack behind it. “Yeah, yeah. It was great, man. We went down to LA and I didn’t have to pay for anything.” Harry laughs softly, climbing onto the stool and resting his elbows on the counter. “Nick has some crazy connections down there, it was just. Insane.”

Liam beams across the room, “That’s fantastic, Harry. Was it your first time going down there?”

Harry shakes his head, “Nah, they try to drag me down there once a year but it blows me away each time.” Harry glances around his work station, realizing there wasn’t very much for him to do. No putbacks and everything seemed to be in order. He breathes out a sigh of relief, he was still a bit tired from the trip. 

“I’ve never been, always wanted to go though.” Liam says as he crosses the room with a throwaway cup that Harry knows is full of tea that’s made perfectly how he likes it.

“Maybe I should have let Nick sweet talk you then, I’m sure he’d have invited you.” Harry smiles slightly, taking a drink of the tea as soon as Liam hands it over.

Liam’s eyes crinkle with a smile, his cheeks a bit flushed as he looks away. “I prefer being your boyfriend.” 

“I am quite a catch, aren’t I?”

“And low maintenance, too. I don’t even see you every day.”

Harry laughs, shaking his head as he takes another drink. He wouldn’t mind seeing Liam everyday, he doesn’t think. He sees him practically every shift he works but with school being back in full swing, both of them have cut back a bit on how much they work. Still, he sees him plenty he supposes. But it’d still be nice to see him more, see him out of work. 

Harry’s mind wanders a bit, going off to a world where him and Liam spend time with each other outside of these walls. With Liam out of his apron and Harry not surrounded by books. Maybe they’d go to the movies, he wonders what they’d see. Was Liam someone that would be into seeing a horror movie? Or was his next trip to the movies reserved for Captain America? Harry thinks he’d sit through anything if it meant he had the possibility of reaching for a handful of popcorn at the same time as him.

But if Harry spends time with Liam outside of work then he’ll never be able to get over this ridiculous crush he’s been cursed with. So he clears his throat, looking anywhere but at Liam as he comes back to the real world.

“Make sure you call my mom and tell her how low maintenance I am. She’ll never believe me if I relay the message.”

The two of them laugh at the same time and it sounds so warm and natural that Harry can’t help but want to have it happen at every moment of his life.

Liam leans against the counter, smiling and never breaking eye contact with Harry. “Well, I might have to take her side on it.” He says, his face still looking at Harry so gently. “I bet she knows you a bit better, yeah?”

“Probably.” Harry breathes, wrapping both of his hands around his cup of tea. “She did birth me after all. And we lived together for nineteen years.”

“I’m jealous of her already, Harry. Don’t rub it in.” Liam pushes off of the counter and takes a few steps backwards as the bell over the door chimes. “Back to work for me.” He sighs, giving Harry a very dramatic pout that Harry wants to lean over and kiss. 

“I should probably do something too, huh?” Harry laughs, shaking his head and furrowing his eyebrows because, honestly, he needs to get over this big dumb crush he has on Liam. 

“Probably!” And Liam sends Harry his crinkle-eyed smile as he half-jogs back to his post and Harry decides that he can hold off on getting over it for another week or so. Just a few more days. Then he’ll get his head sorted out. Until then however, he’s going to continue to swoon from across the shop.

***

“Order up for one Mister Styles.” Liam half-shouts from the other side of the room. “One iced coffee with hazelnut syrup, vanilla almond milk and just a bit of a caramel drizzle.”

“I didn’t order a coffee,” Harry says without looking up from his book

“Yeah, but you look half dead on your feet so come on. Get some caffeine in you. Free of charge.”

Liam sounds closer now but Harry doesn’t feel like looking up to see him cross the room so he just raises his book a little more, like he’s hiding behind it. 

“Are you ignoring me? I can be pretty persistent.” Liam sighs as he sits the coffee down next to Harry. “The shop’s pretty slow too, haven’t seen an actual customer in about an hour and a half. Could stand here all day.” Harry can see Liam just a bit, watches him lean across the counter and place his chin in his hand. “Could chat about nothing in particular until you put that book down.”

Harry just holds the book closer to his face. He’s not ignoring Liam but he is on Day One of his Liam Crush Detox and he was supposed to be working with Eleanor this morning. His opening shift was supposed to give him a head start at getting over this schoolboy crush but when Liam came jogging down the street Harry’s heart dropped to his feet. 

The rest of the day had played out just as unfortunate. First of all, the weather was nice for late October and Liam had chose to show up in a t-shirt that hugged every curve of his muscles. Which nearly gave Harry a heart attack right off the bat. Then Harry had a very rude customer and of course Liam stepped in to defend Harry’s honor. Liam stepped out for lunch and returned with something he thought Harry would enjoy, and he did enjoy it. 

And now Liam was making Harry a special drink again. And standing in front of him begging for his attention. And probably pouting. And furrowing his eyebrows. His dumb rectangle eyebrows… The ones that rest over those large cinnamon and coffee and caramel eyes. 

Harry sighs, lowering his book and glancing at the cup of coffee in front of him. Liam had doodled flowers and stars all around Harry’s name on it. His lips tug slightly at the corner. 

“Thank you for the coffee, Liam. I’m sure it’s delicious.” Harry says without raising his eyes to look Liam in the face.

“You could try it and let me know.”

“I always like your drinks, Li.” He feels exhausted from having to spend his shift avoiding Liam’s gaze, avoiding his conversations. His entire body wants to give in. He’s so gone. Too gone.

“But I want to be sure.” 

Harry dares to look up at Liam now, nearly falling backwards off his stool as he realizes how close Liam is leaning towards him. How big his eyes look, how his lips tug downward as he looks Harry’s face over. 

Harry reaches for the drink, raising the straw to his lips and taking a sip. Only because he can’t deny Liam of this. He can’t deny Liam of anything. 

“It’s great, Liam. Really. I might have to keep this in mind for when I get coffee at other places.” Harry takes another drink, smiling around the straw. “What did you say it was?”

“You get coffee from other baristas?” Liam gasps and steps back, placing his hand over his heart like he’s genuinely offended. “I thought we had something special.”

Harry laughs and shakes his head, closing his book and placing it on top of his backpack under the counter. “You’re ridiculous.”

Liam shrugs like he knows and doesn't care. “Of course.” He smiles at Harry and pauses for a moment. “What are you doing tonight?”

Harry shrugs, resting his chin in his hand. “I got invited to a kickback. One of my friends got a new place or whatever so he’s having a thing. I might go, I haven’t really been sociable since before the summer so I guess it’s time to do that.”

Liam nods like he understands but Harry can’t imagine Liam not being sociable. Liam talks to everyone. Everyone he works with, everyone that comes into the store, Liam even managed to break Harry down and talk to him every day. Harry would wager that Liam talks to everyone on campus, everyone in his classes, his professors. Why wouldn’t he? Liam’s impossible to not love and want to talk to. 

“I have something similar,” Liam starts, then he pauses like he’s considering something before continuing. “Bummer, though. I was going to see if you’d go with me. All of my friends are paired off now.” Liam laughs gently like it’s meant to ease the knot in Harry’s stomach that started to form the moment Liam (sort of) asked him on a date. 

Harry forces a smile across his lips as he looks fondly at Liam. “I wish I could,” He says so genuinely that it almost tastes sweet on his tongue. “You’d be a better date than Nick. He’s my ride tonight. Don’t know why he was even invited.” Harry shrugs, mumbling something about different crowds or whatever. 

“I would be a better date.” Liam says confidently, a smile stretched completely across his face. “Since I’m your boyfriend and all.” The wink Liam sends gets a bit lost in the crinkle-eyed smile but Harry’s stomach does a flip nonetheless. 

“Maybe,” Harry teases, flipping his book open and back to the page he had left off on. 

“We’ll have to reschedule, I guess.”

Harry nods for a second, then furrows his brows. “Reschedule what, exactly?”

“Our date.” Liam says cooly, pushing off of the counter and walking backwards to his station with a smile stretched across his face. 

Dear Diary, Harry says to himself, Day One failed.

***

“There he is!” Is what Harry’s greeted with the moment he steps into Niall’s door. 

“Why does everyone say that when they see me?” Harry sighs but he's smiling and welcoming his friend into a hug anyway. 

“Probably because you avoid everyone like the plague most days.” Zayn says as he crosses the room to hug Harry too. 

“I resent that,” but it's true. Which was weird because at one point Harry had been _the_ life of every party. That was before he realized how pretentious most of his friends were. Not Zayn and Niall, though. They were great. 

Harry had met Niall through Niall’s boyfriend which was a boy named Louis that was in one of Harry’s literature classes freshman year. Their friend Zayn was pretty much always around if Louis was around so Harry had gotten quite acquainted with all of them over the last couple of years. 

They were all chill and into some of the same things as Harry. They were working their ways through college and enjoyed simple things like playing FIFA in their boxers while drinking ciders. It was a place where Harry could go and just feel at ease. He really should hang out with them more. 

“Is that Young Harold I hear?” Harry can recognize Louis’ voice anywhere. He’s from England. Doncaster in South Yorkshire to be specific (and Harry is certain of that, only because Louis never lets anyone forget it).

“It is! And you didn't think he’d show.” Niall replies as Louis turns the corner and spreads his arms for Harry. 

“Well now I'm not hugging you for that.” Harry laughs, causing Louis to nearly lunge at him to force a hug. 

“You lads having fun without me?” Nick interrupts as he walks in the door holding two bottles of too-expensive wine. 

“Grimshaw!” Louis shouts, loosening himself from Harry. “Niall must have invited you because I sure didn't. Enjoy our home.” He chimes, sending a wink towards Nick before crossing to Niall to place a kiss against his temple. “I'm going to go entertain the people I like in the living room. Harold?”

Harry looks over at him, raising his eyebrows to show Louis has his attention.

“Join me without the wet rat.” Louis finishes, smiling his crooked smile reserved only for times he’s being catty. 

“He’s such a kind soul, Haz.” Nick mumbles once Louis is clear of the room. “Don't know why I let you force me to associate with him.”

“I don't.” Harry says simply, taking the cup that Niall’s offering him before following Louis into the living room. 

***

There's people sitting everywhere. On the couch, on chairs, the floor. There's a pool table shoved into a corner with people sitting on it. 

“This is nice.” Harry says, leaning into Louis’ ear so he can hear him over the buzz of music and people chatting. 

“Isn't it? And to think it’s all ours. You'll have to come hang out more now that we're all out of the campus housing.” 

“Not all of us,” Harry sighs, “Not since you three decided to get a place without inviting me along.”

“To be fair,” Niall starts, dropping into Louis’ lap. “We were going to offer but we never saw you over the summer.”

“Yeah,” is all Harry says back, taking a drink. “I'm happy for you guys though, this place is perfect for you three. Maybe I'll just nab the couch and pay part of the rent until I find a place cool enough for me.”

Louis laughs loudly, “Think you're gonna have to fight Payno for it. He's been here a lot the last week, helped us move and everything. Like a good lad.” Louis sticks his tongue out at Harry, jabbing him once again for not being the ideal friend this last year. 

“Who is this Payno fella? A guy only abandons you for a summer and he gets replaced.” Harry crosses his arms, “I bet I can take him.”

“He's huge, mate. I think he did boxing as a kid.” 

“I studied martial arts!” Harry lies. 

There's laughter behind him, Zayn’s laugh but it’s mixed with someone else familiar. 

“You never got past white belt according to your sister.” Zayn accuses. 

“Gemma’s a filthy liar.” Harry retorts, turning around to find Zayn standing next to Liam. 

“Are you talking about fighting me again?” Liam asks, his eyebrows raised. “I thought this was settled months ago.” 

Liam eases his way into the situation easily, he takes a seat next to Louis and Niall, draping his arm over the back of the couch. 

“Harry tried to attack me one morning a few months back. I knew he was bluffing about the martial arts thing.”

“Hold on, sorry,” Louis starts. “Do you two know each other?” 

Harry laughs softly, pushing his hair out of his face, “Uh, yeah. A bit.” 

“Looks like we don't have to reschedule after all, cupcake.” Liam adds, patting his lap like he's asking Harry to take his seat. It makes a blush spread across Harry’s cheeks and he shakes his head a bit, declining the offer in a way he hopes no one else will pick up on. 

“Guess not.” Harry clears his throat, peeling his eyes away from Liam’s to take in his friends’ questioning stares. “We work together.” He explains, laughing a bit at how ridiculous him and Liam’s exchange must have looked. Harry’s eyebrows furrow in confusion “Wait, you guys didn't know where Liam worked?”

“Won't tell us, will he?” Niall starts, throwing his arms up. “Banned us from knowing a long time ago.”

“Which _is_ your fault, Niall.” Zayn adds, propping himself on the armrest of the couch.

Liam laughs again, “It really is. Niall used to stalk me at the Starbucks I worked at before I switched jobs. He had a tab. At Starbucks.” 

Harry lets out a loud laugh, his hand gripping at his abdomen as he does so. “That’s so Niall.”

***

It doesn’t take long before everyone breaks apart again. Zayn’s girlfriend shows up, Niall and Louis are split up doing host duties, Nick’s been huddled in a corner with some guy Harry’s never seen before, even Liam’s been pulled around to various group conversations. It leaves Harry standing against a wall, nursing a drink as he watches people interact. 

A few years ago it would have been him in the center of all of this, making people laugh and welcoming anyone that wandered near him into his bubble. A lot had changed from nineteen to twenty-one, though. He’s just become more private, choosing to save his charisma and charm for a select group of people he thinks are worth it. 

A sigh slips from his mouth as he takes another drink, wincing with it’s burn as it travels down his throat. Maybe he’ll get back to his old ways soon. Maybe he’s just grown up. 

“Hello, boyfriend.” He can feel Liam before he sees him, the boy drapes his arm across Harry’s shoulders. “Nick was asking me if we were still ‘taking things slow’ so I figured I’d come participate in some public displays of affection.” Liam laughs and Harry can feel it against his side. 

Harry leans into Liam’s touch, his arm wrapping around Liam’s waist as he does so. “There's a lot of other people here, Li. You sure you wanna?”

“Think they'll all look at me in envy,” Liam says with a wide smile. “Got the best looking guy in here.”

“Well, you aren’t wrong.” Harry says with a smile, pressing his tongue against his cheek. “What about the boys?” Harry nods in the general vicinity where he’d last seen their three friends, wondering silently what they would think if they saw him and Liam. Part of Harry doesn’t think they’d say anything. Harry had always been very “hands-on” with them and they had returned it. Maybe this was just something normal with Liam, too. Casual. 

“Ah,” Liam takes a long drink out of his cup and smacks his lips. “Think that they would think that I think I got the best looking guy in here.” 

Harry blames the heat in his cheeks on the alcohol in his cup. “What if they think we’re actually dating?”

“Why not pretend more?” Liam looks at Harry for the first time since approaching him, his eyes permanently crinkled from the alcohol in his bloodstream. “We ought to, anyway, just to play it safe in case Nick blabs.” Liam nods like he’s never been more sure of something in his entire life and Harry has to agree. It’s not a bad idea. Just a drunk idea.

“Maybe.” 

“Do you not want to be my boyfriend?”

“You’re drunk.” Is all Harry can think to say, because Liam is. More so than Harry, at least. Liam’s face is blotchy, his words have a slight slur to them. 

“I am.” Liam confirms. “But I am a drunk asking you to be my boyfriend.”

“Fake boyfriend.” Harry corrects even though it jabs a knife through his heart. 

“Right.” Liam laughs and it twists the knife. “Think it’d be fun. Maybe I could convince you to hang out with me outside of work.”

“You’ve never asked before.” The corner of Harry’s lips tugs downward. He’s spent the last few months fantasizing about Liam inviting him out after work. Out for a drink, or back to his apartment to watch a movie. In the morning for coffee, a lunch date at a nice hipster place down the road. 

Harry’s thought, too often, about waking up early on a saturday and dragging Liam down to Pike Place Market before all the venders even arrive, holding hands while they watch the fish market workers sling the catch of the day to each other before the area gets busy, grabbing fresh fruit to eat on as they shop local artists’ works. He’s thought, too often, about walking around the Seattle Waterfront, chasing the birds that flock around them, riding the Great Wheel like a couple of tourists. 

Liam lets out a laugh, rubbing his hand up and down Harry’s arm. “Don’t take this wrong, Harry..” He takes in a breath, “I thought you hated me.” He smiles over at Harry, his tongue pressing against his teeth. “Thought I'd never get you to talk to me, if I'm being honest.”

“Oh come on,” Harry laughs, stepping out from under Liam’s arm. “You never tried that much.” Harry tries to act offended, pushing against Liam’s chest gently as he tried to move closer. “I guess I didn't give you many opportunities, though.” 

“You are now though,” Liam smirks, taking a step towards Harry and placing his hands on the softer bits of Harry’s hips. 

For a second, Harry thinks Liam’s going to kiss him. Liam’s leaning in a bit, his mouth slack and Harry thinks his head is going to explode. But then Liam’s lips miss Harry’s mouth and instead brush against Harry’s ear.

“The boys are looking at us.” Liam whispers, sending shivers down Harry’s spine every time Liam’s lips brush his skin.

“Let’s give them a good show then,” Harry whispers back, his voice thick from want. Desire. Need. 

Liam takes the cue, nudging his nose against Harry’s before diving in and pressing a quick kiss against his lips. It’s not going to be enough, Harry thinks. And he’s right.

Harry wants to kiss back, he means to, it’s just that it happens so quickly that Harry’s mind goes blank and he forgets how to do anything but gasp. So he gasps into Liam’s mouth, causing the kiss to be an awkward half-peck, half-slightly-open-mouthed kiss.

 

***

Harry calls off on Sunday.

Then he decides he’s still sick on Monday.

Then again on Tuesday when he wakes up and his heart aches and his stomach is in a knot and he thinks, just one more day would do him good.

For good measure he doesn’t go into classes either, he’s never really missed a lecture so he’s not worried about emailing his professors and telling them some story about being sick. He just asks what he’s missing and hopes it’s nothing important while he waits for their replies.

He’s mostly worried about the 50 bucks he’s promised Eleanor for picking up his shifts even though she was meant to have the first of the week completely off because he doesn’t think he actually has a spare 50 bucks available to him this week. Maybe she’ll take an IOU. Though that seems quite a bit rude the more Harry thinks about it.

He’s also watched nearly five seasons of Bob’s Burgers on Netflix almost with no breaks. He doesn’t know why he’s chosen this show to rewatch but it keeps his mind off of everything enough for him to not care about how stupid some of the jokes are. 

Harry’s also spent a lot of time with his cat. More than Espeon asks for him to and she’s growing tired of him lying on his stomach in front of her while she’s trying to relax and whispering “Espy, I’m in love with him.” 

The maine coon chirps back at him, stretching it into a meow before running her tongue against the fur on her paws.

“I am, though.” Harry replies as if the cat had actually said something. Espeon meows again. “I don’t always say that.”

After a moment of silence between them, Harry sighs. “It’s different this time,” He starts. “I mean it” 

Harry stares his cat down, their eyes meeting for an eternity. It’s like he can feel the cat’s judgement in her eyes. “It’s different this time.” Harry repeats but it doesn’t do anything to ease the ache in his body.

The cat stands, stretching her long body out before walking past Harry and heading towards the kitchen where she knows her food waits for her. 

“It’s not too soon to know!” Harry shouts after her, continuing the imaginary conversation. “I’ve known him for over a year.” Then he adds, “Technically.”

Harry falls quiet, rolling onto his back to stare at his ceiling. 

“I’m in love with him.” He says again, nodding at the ceiling to confirm it. Maybe for himself. Maybe for the universe. 

Harry closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Maybe a nap will help ease his heart, his mind.

***

He’s been laying on the floor for probably an hour now. He just hasn’t felt like getting up, hasn’t felt like moving or doing anything with his life. He just wants to lay flat on the ground, staring at the ceiling while Espeon lounges in her favorite windowsill and ignores the fact that her human companion has decided to completely fall apart in the middle of their living room.

Liam kissed him. It’s been three days since it happened and Harry just still can’t wrap his head around that it happened.

He laughs, forcing himself to sit up as he does so, just at the fact that he thought that he was going to be able to force himself to get over the stupid crush he has on Liam. That was before he knew what Liam’s lips felt like on his. Or what rum tasted like on them. Or the little laugh that Liam chased the kiss with. 

Harry’s going to throw up if he keeps thinking about it so he stands now, crosses to his kitchen and pops a kettle on the stove and leans against the counter. 

“You’re fine.” He says to himself outloud. “It’s fine, you’re fine.” Harry runs his hands down his face, tugging his skin all sorts of directions, before pulling his phone out of his back pocket.

It rings once, twice and then he can feel the relief flood his body as he hears the other line pick up.

“Hi, Mommy.” He sighs, turning around to pluck a banana off the bunch and peel it.

“Hi, baby. What are you doing sounding so sad?”

Harry fights back the urge to say being in love. He just doesn’t want to hear the shift in his mother’s voice as she reminds him of all the times he’s claimed to be in love in the past, of all the times he’s gotten himself in a position to inevitably get hurt. So instead he fakes a cough, sniffles afterwards just to get his point across. 

 

“Oh, I’ve just been feeling pretty sick this week. I’ve had to call off a few days in a row because of it. Don’t know if I’m contagious or not.”

His mother hums on the other line and Harry can picture her biting her lip, her face deep in thought. “Have you seen a doctor?”

 

“No, I haven’t.”

“Well if you don’t wake up feeling better tomorrow then I want you to go and see one. It’s probably just a cold but it’s best to be sure.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right. The weather’s been awful here.” He sighs again, looking across the open apartment to see rain pounding against his window for the third day in a row. “Nothing beats November in Seattle.”

“It’s not much different here, baby. Just cold, you aren’t missing much.”

“Missing my mom.” He sighs, pulling the kettle off of the burner before the whistling gets too loud. “Missing Gem, even, if you can believe it.” He grabs a mug down, tossing a tea bag into it before pouring the hot water into it as well.

“I do, she misses you as well but someone decided he just had to attend college on the other side of the country.” She laughs, “What time is it there?”

Harry pulls his phone away from his face to check the time, “6:30 PM.”

His mother laughs again and it makes Harry feel warm. It also makes him think about Liam and his chest tightens again. “It’s like I’m in the future.” 

Harry groans but laughs with her, shaking his head. He really does miss his mom and sister. He hadn’t quite calculated that into the equation of moving from New York to Seattle at age nineteen but it’s been two years and his heart aches for home more and more each passing day. For his mom’s home cooked Sunday Dinners and Gemma’s new projects she’s always going on about and making her friends be a part of. He’s missing his mom’s bi, soft couch and the way New York City changes in the fall and winter. He’s missing the familiarity, the comfort. 

He always swears he’s going home to visit. Fall break, winter break, spring break, summer break. They’re all meant to be spent in New York but he hasn’t seen New York in two years, working on his third. He’s seen his family twice when they were able to come to Seattle but that’s it and it’s not been enough.

His mom picks up on the silence, filling it with “How’s Espeon? She keeping you company out there?” And when Harry doesn’t answer immediately she follows up with, “What about the boys? You don’t talk about them much anymore.”

“They’re good.” He’s able to answer and honestly know. “I just saw them on Saturday, they’re moved into a new apartment off campus. It’s really nice, I’m happy for them.”

“That’s so nice! Send them my love, will you? I’m so glad you have friends out there.”

Harry sighs again, clutching his phone tighter. “Yeah, of course I will. Um, Mom, there’s actually-” His thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door, the noise making Espy jump down from her windowsill and circle around the area in front of the door like she’s waiting for Harry to come open it. “Oh, there’s someone at my door. It’s probably one of the boys coming to check on me.” He lies. “I better get off of here.”

Harry heads towards the door, pressing his phone between his shoulder and ear. 

“Alright, honey. Call me in the morning and let me know how you’re feeling, you know how I worry. Love you.”

“Love you too, Mom. I’ll talk to you later.” He waits to hear his mom hang up before lowering the phone back into his pocket.

The person outside knocks again and causes Epsy to meow in return.

“Hold on, hold on, I’m coming.” Harry picks Espeon up on his way to the door, struggling only a bit with the size of her before she settles into a comfortable position. 

Harry pulls at the door, his mouth already opening to mutter an apology before he can even see who’s standing on the other side.

“Hey, H. I um- I got your address from the employee files.” Liam offers Harry a shy but wide smile, holding up two heavy-looking bags. “Is that alright?”

“Oh.” Harry swallows thickly and steps aside. “Yeah, um, come in. Liam. Into my house- er, apartment.”

“Cool,” Liam steps past Harry, moving into the kitchen and placing the bags on the counter. “Do you live here all by yourself?”

Harry nods, “It’s actually just a one bedroom with the kitchenette and living room. So.”

“I live in those lame dorms right on campus. Like a ten minute walk, actually. Pretty close.”

Harry nods again, his hand that’s not holding his cat frantically petting her fur. He’s trying to look anywhere but Liam without it being obvious that he’s trying to look anywhere but Liam. 

“Um, anyway.” Liam continues, reaching into one of the bags. “Eleanor told me you were sick when we worked together so I thought maybe you could use some things. I didn’t know what kind of sick you were so I sort of just grabbed some stuff my mom used to get me for all sorts of sick days.” Liam pulls out a half gallon of orange juice, a bag of pretzels, a box of peppermint, ginger and chamomile tea, and a jar of honey, placing them all in a line on the counter before moving to the other bag and producing various cans of soup, applesauce and a few pints of berries. “I think I’ve got all illnesses covered.” He arranges the foods into groups, stepping back and pointing to each one. “Sore throat, which can be combined with cold. Then you have nausea, bad tummy, and then achy body.”

Harry stares at Liam now, his eyes wide and full of hearts and Liam turns around to look at Harry like he can feel Harry’s eyes on his back. “I’ve overdone it haven’t I?” He laughs.

“No, no. Well, yeah but only because you didn’t have to do any of this at all.”

“Missed bringing you stuff, I guess. OH! That reminds me, I’ll um- be right back.” Liam laughs again as he heads out of Harry’s door as quick as he entered.

“Yeah, that’s him, E.” He says to his non-questioning cat. “I know, he is better looking in person than I ever could have described.” Harry sets Espy down on the couch, watching her curl into a comfortable position before heading to put up the groceries that Liam had brought him. (Which included his three favorite types of soup and a hidden kit kat bar that Harry hopes is actually for him and not something Liam forgot to take out of the bag for himself. 

By the time Harry’s done putting everything up, Liam’s back at the door. Except this time he opens it shyly, poking his head in like he’s asking permission to re-enter. 

“Hey, welcome back.” Harry laughs, pushing his hand through his hair.

“I brought you a drink from work.” Liam states, holding a warm drink cup up as he steps closer to Harry. “I thought it’d be nice.”

“All of this is nice, Liam. Like, really, really nice.” Harry accepts the drink, holding it with both hands and letting the warmth seep into them, his self-made cup of tea forgotten and cooling on the counter. “You really didn’t need to do anything for me.”

Harry moves, pushing off of the counter and heading towards the couch. He nods in the direction of the living room, hoping that Liam follows and is pleased to see that he is.

“Is this a cat?” Harry hears Liam ask and he can’t help but laugh around the lip of his cup as he takes a small drink. 

“Yeah, her name’s Espeon but I call her Espy mostly.” Harry reaches over, running a hand along his cat’s back. “She’s a Maine Coon.” He tells Liam even though no one asked. “That’s why she’s so big, they’re apparently like part canadian bobcat or something.” 

“What? That’s so cool.” Liam kneels just before the couch, leaning in to get a good look at Espeon. “She seems so gentle.” 

“She is, and she’s still pretty young so she hasn’t been hardened by society yet.”

Liam looks at him for a moment, his eyebrows drawn together and causing wrinkles between them. And then his face smooths out and laughter bubbles out of his chest.

“I’ve honestly missed the weird shit you say everyday.” Liam says and it feels so genuine, so ernest and Harry knows he’s so gone. So trapped. So in love.

“I’ll be back at work tomorrow, I think.”

Liam stands, moving from petting Espy to patting Harry’s hair. “I’ll be there waiting.”

“I’ve actually gotta get back, though. My lunch started about-” Liam pulls his phone out to check the time “an hour ago, I guess. And I took it early.” He laughs softly. 

Liam stops just before he gets to the door and turns around, “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? Gotta swear. I love Eleanor but she’s no you.” 

“I swear.” Harry promises, and he means it because even though he’s been trying to avoid Liam for days he can’t deny that he misses him too. Misses the shop and the books and even the customers that come in not actually wanting to get anything. “I’ll be there, now get off to work. I won’t let Eleanor blame me for your being late.”

Liam smiles and pauses like he’s going to say something again before shaking his head and turning to leave. He pulls the door shut behind him and Harry waits until he can hear footsteps disappearing down the hall before he throws himself to the ground and screams. 

 

***

“So how long have you had Espeon?” Liam asks as soon as Harry’s situated on his stool the next day. He’s already making Harry a drink and it almost makes Harry feel guilty for faking sick. Almost. Not quite though because the extra affection is just making him feel _good_ today.

“I got her a few months after I moved to Seattle.” Harry sighs, his heart still heavy from missing his mom. He wonders for a moment about his mom meeting Liam, he thinks they’d get along really well. He thinks Liam would make his mom smile so hard her eyes disappeared and her cheeks hurt. His mom would love Liam, would compliment how polite and kind he is. He thinks his mom would approve of Liam being the next person destined to break Harry’s heart. She’d probably even be upset when Liam inevitably leaves. Harry clears his throat, pushing the thoughts down. “She was a twentieth birthday present to myself. I’d only been here for like six months and I hadn’t made friends, really. So, I picked her up.” 

He smiles briefly at the memory, it was impulsive. He hadn’t even cleared it with his apartment beforehand. He just saw her and needed her. He was lonely, she helped him out of that.

“She’s been keeping me company for almost two years now. Two in January.” He nods for confirmation. “She was so tiny, I could hold her in one hand. It’s been so long since I’ve been able to hold her with one _arm_.”

Liam’s smiling at Harry fondly and it makes Harry squirm a bit in his seat when he notices it. 

“Where did you move from?” Liam jogs over, placing Harry’s warm cup on the counter in front of him. Harry smiles when he looks at it, noticing the doodles around his name and the cat drawn on the top of the lid. Liam leans against the counter, resting his chin in his hand. “I was thinking the other day, you know, we talk almost everyday but we don't know anything about each other.” 

Harry nods, he does know that because every day he wonders what Liam’s favorite band is, what tv shows he likes, how he cooks his eggs. Mostly Harry wonders if Liam’s just comfortable enough with being straight that planting a kiss to Harry’s lips was no big deal or if he’s maybe not as straight as Harry’s come to believe. 

“I'm from New York. Originally from North New York but we moved to the city when my parents split. Me, Mom and Gemma. Then I moved out here at nineteen.”

“You live across the country from your mom?”

Harry nods, chewing on his lip. “Uh, yeah. I came for school, she stayed there for work. It’s worked out alright so far.”

“Wow.” Liam starts, his eyebrows pulled together. “My mom lives in Tacoma.”

Harry smiles at the information, “Any other family around?”

Liam nods, hesitant and careful. “My dad and two sisters but I felt guilty saying it with your family so far away.” His smile is genuine when he sends it towards Harry.

“That’s alright, Li. I talk to my mom everyday and I’m saving up to see her for Christmas, only a few more weeks before I head out and finally see her again. It’s been a year, I think, and I’ve never been able to go back to New York.”

“A year without seeing them? No wonder you’re always so grumpy.” Liam laughs softly and pushes off of the counter, taking a few steps backwards towards the coffee counter as someone opens the door to the shop. “I’ll be back.” He mumbles, nodding his head towards the couple lining up at the coffee counter. He adds, “Don’t worry,” with a smirk.

***

 

“So what made you chose here?” Liam asks, locking the shop door behind him as they step into the cool Seattle night.

“Uh, well.” Harry laughs nervously, shaking his head. He doesn’t tell his story to anyone, not even Nick. Not even Louis or Niall or Zayn. “I had a boyfriend at the time who had moved to Seattle right after high school to go to Seattle University-”

“He _chose_ to go to SeaU?” Liam interrupts, scrunching his face in disgust.

Harry laughs softly and nods, “Yeah, well. I should have seen it as a red flag, I suppose.” He shrugs and takes a drink slowly, pausing the story for a moment in order to gather his thoughts again. “Anyway, we’d only been dating for like three months before he moved but we were so _so_ in love. We talked everyday either through texts, on the phone or both and I missed him so much. So, I saved up for a year to help myself make the move, I applied to UW and I just hoped for the best and when I was accepted it was like, it was so exciting and I told him and he seemed excited too but like a month before the move he started distancing himself.” 

Harry chews on his straw, heading down the street like he and Liam did every time they left work together. “I just figured he was busy, you know? Getting ready for the next semester to start and all of that but when I got here he still didn’t reach out to me. I think it was a week before he even replied to any of my texts and then I decided to just surprise him at his place.” Harry lets out a bitter laugh, “It’s funny because I only had his address because we shared location on our phones, you know? And he was always at the same house and then work. Not that I like, checked it every day or something but sometimes I did and so that’s how I knew where he lived.” He hummed gently, glancing over to try and get a read of Liam’s face except Liam’s staring down at the ground and watching their feet. Maybe he knows how it goes already. “So I turn up to his house, right. And it’s like.. A really nice place with like a porch and a little front yard and I’m thinking like, ‘Wow, I can’t believe that Hayden can afford this place,’ you know? Because Seattle’s not like that affordable of a place but I walk up to the door like a fucking idiot and I knock, and of course I’m carrying flowers from the market because I thought they’d just be beautiful to give to the boyfriend I hadn’t seen in over a year.” Harry clears his throat, “And a lady answers, sweet as can be, her name was Jessica I think. I ask her if Hayden lives there and she laughs a bit with her hand resting on her stomach and shouts into the house behind her ‘Babe, you’ve got a visitor!’” Harry bites on the inside of his cheek. 

“Long story short, they were having a baby together. Had been together for over a year, she was four months pregnant.” 

Liam’s frowning now, reaching his arm over just to rub gently between Harry’s shoulder blades and it does wonders to relax him. Harry feels like a huge weight’s just been ripped out of him, like he can breathe for the first time in two years because he’s finally told someone other than his mom. 

“It’s funny because when he saw me, his face didn’t even falter. He just smiled and told his girlfriend-- _fiance_ that I was an old friend from New York. Then she invited me in, said she’d heard about me, asked if I wanted to stay for dinner.”

Liam gasps softly, covering his mouth with his hand that wasn’t soothing Harry’s emotions. “You didn’t…”

“I did! I couldn’t turn away from it without seeming rude. She hadn’t done anything wrong, not intentionally. He’d lied to her. And me. Played us both and they were going to have a baby and getting married and I- I- I handed her the flowers and I sat across from Hayden at dinner and complimented her cooking. I listened to her tell me the story of how they met at a party and fell in love immediately. How the pregnancy was a surprise but something they had talked about when they got engaged. Then he showed me out after a while, walked me out to the street and tried to kiss me goodbye instead of explaining himself.”

“What did you do?” Liam drapes his arm over Harry’s shoulders, giving him a little squeeze.

“I punched him in the face.” Harry laughs, leaning closer to Liam. “I thought I broke my knuckle when I did it. Then I just ran as he screamed at me. I heard from him the next day, he sent me a text so long that it went to another page. It was all bullshit, him skating around the truth and denying that he’d done anything wrong. He said that we weren’t as serious as I thought we were, we were just young boys that didn’t know what we wanted. That he wasn’t even gay, just having a bit of fun with me before going off to school. That attending a Catholic University really helped set him _straight_. It broke my heart. Think it’s still a little broken, to be honest.”

“Oh, Harry. That’s so awful.”

Harry nods, sniffling a bit but pushing forward anyway. “It took me a few months but I eventually found Jessica on Facebook and told her everything. Maybe that was wrong of me but I couldn’t stand to know that he was living a happy life after all the lying he’d done. To both of us.”

Liam nods, his hand gently rubbing Harry’s arm. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Harry. He sounds like a terrible person and I hope he’s had nothing but bad days since then.”

Harry laughs again, lighter this time, more genuine and care free like actually talking about what happened to someone has helped ease him in a way he hasn’t experienced before. “Me too, honestly. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive him.”

“Me either.” Liam’s lips push into a pout and his eyebrows furrow like he’s thinking about something, then he gives Harry a gentle squeeze. “Why don’t you come to mine tonight? We can watch movies or something? I know you don’t have Friday classes. I may live in the lame dorms but it’s a single and I’ve got a big TV.”

“I don’t know, Li.” Harry says even though it’s not at all what he actually wants to say. “I gotta get home to Espy, I don’t know if she can make it through a night without me moping to her. We have a schedule.”

There’s a pause between them, Harry wonders if maybe Liam’s trying to think of a way to convince Harry to come hang out the same way that Harry’s trying to think of a way to get Liam to come to his apartment instead. 

“Maybe tomorrow, then? I could come to yours.”

Harry nods, his lips twisting up in the corners. “I think that would be really nice, Li. Fake boyfriend or not, hanging out would be cool.”

Liam lets out a soft laugh, “Friends before fake boyfriends?”

“Yeah, Li. Friends before fake boyfriends.”

***

So, Harry panics a little.

Or a lot.

He wakes up on Friday with nothing on his mind except for the fact that Liam’s going to be coming over and he just-- he panics.

Harry’s panic causes him to call Louis to invite him over as well. Then Niall. Then Zayn. His finger even hovers over Nick’s number before locking his phone and desperately trying to clean his already cleaned apartment. He brushes all of Espeon’s loose hair out, takes the trash down to the dumpster, unloads his dishwasher and dusts his TV stand in the hour he has left before anyone shows up. 

It’s not until Louis and Niall show up that Harry realizes his mistake. To be specific, it’s when he sees Niall lean over the back of the couch to press a kiss to Louis’ temple that Harry remembers that if Liam’s here with all of their other friends, they’ll have to pretend. They’ll have to touch and sit next to each other and be under everyone’s sight. 

His stomach twists into a knot as a knock on the door echoes through the room. 

Harry pulls the door open slowly, stepping into the hallway with Liam and pulling it shut behind him. 

“Okay, okay, um- first things first I’m sorry and I didn’t think this through.”

Liam’s face falls, Harry hates how sad he looks and then he realizes that Liam probably thinks Harry’s not wanting to let him in. 

“Oh, Liam, no I still want to hang out.” Liam’s face softens, “I just, um, I invited the boys around too and I didn’t think about how we’d have to pretend with them here.”

Liam worries his lip for a moment, nodding. “Is that all? You made me think you were kicking me out before I even got in, H.” Liam smiles his famous crinkle-eyed-smile and shakes his head. “Come on, it’s not going to be that hard.” Liam pushes past Harry, opening the door and sitting the bag he’d been carrying on the floor as he removes his shoes. “Hello, boys! Where’s Zayn at today?”

“Ye boyfriend’s busy with his lady, Payno.” Louis laughs, pushing the joke farther. “He got over you months ago, mate. You’ve got to let it go.”

Niall rolls his eyes, patting Louis’ shoulders. “I think he has let it go, Lou. Don't spread lies about Zayn and Liam that might infest Harry’s mind.” Niall laughs gently, moving to sit in the arm rest next to Louis

Harry takes it as his cue and sneaks up behind Liam, wrapping his arms around the boy’s waist. 

“Right.” Louis sighs, “Not used to young Harold knowing him _that well_ yet. Or to Liam being, well--”

“Gay?” Harry asks boldly, looking at Liam’s face for a reaction.

Louis and Niall laugh, clutching their stomachs as if it’s the funniest thing they’ve ever heard.

“No, you idiot.” Louis answers between his laughter. “I’ve known that since I met the bloke.”

Harry let’s the answer ease his stomach knots. Maybe through all of this fake dating stuff Liam would get to know Harry and actually want to stick around. Maybe it was too much hope to give himself but he was going to take it and run for it.

“I was going to say I’m not used to Liam being all coupled up. Don’t think I’ve ever known him to be in a relationship.”

“Alright, Louis, that’s enough.” Liam warns, his hands resting over where Harry’s press against his abdomen.

“Oh, come on, mate. You’ve not told Harry?”

“Not told me what?” Harry quips, moving from behind Liam to sit on the couch.

“Liam ‘the legend’ Payne, here, has never been in a relationship. No one could get this monster to settle down, aye Payno?”

Liam’s cheeks flush and Harry has to look away from it for a moment. It’s hard to think that what Louis’ saying was true, hard to believe that Liam could be anything along the lines of a player like Louis was making him out to be. 

“Enough, mate.” Liam laughs, crossing the room to sit himself next to Harry. Liam pulls him into his lap and wraps his arms around Harry’s waist and Harry just lets him. 

“Alright, alright. I’m just sayin’, I’m not used t’it.” Louis smiles and stands, stretching like a cat before moving to the kitchen area. “So what are we doing today, boys? Movie? Dinner? Is Harold going to drag us outside?” He says the last option with such disgust that Harry can’t help but laugh a bit. 

“Order in, watch a movie. I’ve got cider and tea.”

“I brought some wine, too.” Liam adds, rubbing his hand against Harry’s side. “And snacks. I didn’t know what we’d be doing.” 

“Well, there we go then.” Harry says, wiggling off of Liam’s lap and crossing to the kitchen. “What sounds good to you guys? Thai, chinese, pizza…”

“Thai sounds good to me,” Niall replies and Harry looks up to find him cradling Espeon like a baby, rubbing her tummy while the cat kneads at his hands. 

“Seconded,” Louis adds.

“Alright well here’s a menu, you guys can pick out whatever. My treat.” He smiles and hands over the folded paper before grabbing the bag that Liam had sat down and returning to the kitchen.

“You know that was all just Louis talking shit, yeah?” Liam’s voice is almost a whisper behind Harry and for a moment Harry doesn’t want to turn around and figure out why Liam’s wanting to talk about this. “Like, I’m not- I don’t know. I’m not a player or however it made me sound.”

Harry just nods, placing the wine in his fridge to cool. “Why would it matter to me, Li? We’re not, like, you know.” Harry whispers back, careful not to let the other boys hear him. “We’re not dating, anyway.”

“I know, I know.” Liam falls quiet and Harry doesn’t want to turn around and see what his face looks like. “I just- after you told me about Hayden, I just want you to know I’m not that kind of guy.”

Harry sighs, chewing on his lip before turning around and offering Liam a tight-lipped smile. “I know, Li. You’re too good for that.” Harry wraps his arms slightly around Liam’s neck, holding him in a loose hug.

“I just don’t want you to think anything bad of me.” Liam sighs, his hands finding Harry’s waist like they belong there.

“I think the best of you, Liam Payne.” Harry smiles, his eyes falling on Liam’s lips just in time to watch them stretch over his teeth. “I’ll always think the best of you, I fear.” Harry adds. 

And it’s true. 

So dangerously true.

***

It took an hour to decide what movie to watch. Then it took thirty minutes to decide on what their order was for takeout but once it all fell into place Harry felt the most relaxed he's ever felt in Seattle. 

He forgot how nice it was to really just spend time around his friends, let people into his space and enjoy each other. It was refreshing, something he'd been missing the last two years. 

Harry thinks about telling his mom about it, giving her a little peace of mind about him being so far away. Just let her know that he really has friends and he's actually spending his time socializing instead of shutting the world out to protect himself. 

He looks around for a moment, catching Niall and Louis adjusting on the couch so they could both lay comfortably while still being attached to each other. Then Harry looks over at Liam who smiles back immediately like he had been waiting for Harry to look his way. It's warming, comforting and when Liam gestures for Harry to come closer he doesn't hesitate at all. 

They chose the floor, giving the actual couple the more cuddle friendly option. He scoots over, turning his body so that his back presses into Liam’s chest and his head can fall comfortably onto Liam’s shoulder. 

“Are you having a good day, Haz?” Liam whispers, his lips brushing Harry’s ear. 

Harry just nods and melts farther into Liam. Then Liam smiles, Harry can feel it against his shoulder as Liam presses a kiss there, then another on the side of Harry’s face. 

“Good,” Liam whispers again, rubbing his hands against Harry’s waist for a moment before reaching over to grab a forgotten blanket tossed to the floor and spreading it out over them before pulling Harry closer and settling back down to finish the movie.

***

It’s not for another few hours that Niall shakes Louis back into consciousness and they head home, leaving Liam standing awkwardly in the area between the kitchen and living room like he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to stay a little longer or not.

Harry just smiles at him from where he’s standing, his back pressed against the door. “So…” Harry runs his tongue against his lip. “Did you want to stay a little while? We didn’t really get to hang out like you wanted, get to uh- get to know each other and all that.”

Liam’s lips stretch into a smile as he nods, “Yeah.. Yeah, that’d be cool. I could help clean up? Lou’s got a way of leaving a mess wherever he goes.” He lets out a quiet laugh, crossing to the coffee table to pick up a few empty food boxes. “At least it’s not dirty dishes though, those are the worst.”

Harry laughs, “No way was I cooking with Louis and Niall here. Niall’s eaten me out of house and home before, I wasn’t going to give him the chance to do it again.”

 

“Bad enough that he nearly ordered the entire menu.” Liam sighs, dropping the empty containers in the trash can before sitting the ones not quite empty to the side. “Speaking of,” Liam lowers his voice a little, like he’s nervous about what he’s about to say to Harry. “I’m gonna pay you back for dinner. Probably at least half of what it cost. Especially because Niall got about four things.”

Harry’s smile falls a little as he gathers the blankets off of the floor and starts to fold them. “You don’t need to do that, Liam. It was my treat, I wanted friends over.”

Liam shakes his head, a small laugh coming out. “You’re saving to see your mom, H. You didn’t need to drop almost sixty dollars for a few of your friends to come see you. It’s no big deal.” He shrugs, pulling the fridge open and placing a few boxes in there.

“Liam…”

“Harry.”

They just look at each other, Harry crossing his arms as Liam smiles widely. 

“You’re insufferable.” Harry huffs, shaking his head as he folds the blanket in his arms. “Completely insufferable.”

“And _you_ are gonna get home for Christmas.” Liam’s still smiling, Harry can hear it in his voice as he moves closer. “And then you’ll come back from New York and tell me all about it until I can’t take it anymore and have to kiss you to get you to shut up.”

Harry stops folding for a moment, unsure if he heard Liam right.

“Unless we fake break up before then.” Liam adds, a quiet laugh punctuating it. “Come on, it’s clean enough. Look, Espeon’s got the right idea.”

Harry shakes his head, glancing over to where his cat’s stretch against the back of the couch with his fluffy tail waving lazily. 

“Let’s play twenty-one questions.” Liam suggests, moving towards Harry while wiggling his eyebrows. “It’ll be fun, we can clean up more later.” 

Harry rolls his eyes with a smile, flopping onto his couch which serves as an invitation for Espeon to climb down from the back and stretch her long body across Harry’s lap.

Liam follows, not that he stretches against Harry’s lap but he still sits down a little too close and their knees brush as Liam turns in his seat to face Harry full on. 

“Should I start? I feel like I should start.” Liam laughs gently, almost like he’s nervous, before pushing on. “Okay, so um-- what kind of music do you like?”

Harry shrugs, chewing on his lip. “I like a lot of stuff? I’m really into tunes like The 1975, Florence and the Machine, Fleetwood Mac is a huge favorite-- like _HUGE_ favorite, Pink Floyd, Paul McCartney, Brand New.”Harry shrugs. “Then, of course, there’s Beyonce. Everyone loves Beyonce but I _really_ love Beyonce.” Harry watches Liam nod, smiling at him like it’s the best thing he’s ever heard anyone say. 

“That’s some good variety, H. You’ve got everything covered but I don’t know if it’s what I expected.” His face contorts into something that can only be called Liam’s thinking face for a moment. “Though I did expect Fleetwood Mac. That just suits you.” Liam tilts his head slightly, reaching over to pat Espeon’s head as she raises it to look at him. “Your turn then.”

“Okay, well.. What kind of music do you listen to?”

“You can’t just reuse my question,” Liam lets out a laugh, shaking his head. “That’s like- that’s cheating! You have to think of your own, dork.”

Harry furrows his brows, sticking his tongue out a little before leaning his head on the back of the couch. “Fine, fine.” He pauses, chewing on his lip. “Um, what celebrities do you follow on twitter?”

Liam lets out another laugh, not that he ever even stopped laughing, and hits his hand on his knee. “That’s so embarrassing, oh no.” Still, he pulls out his phone and Harry tilts his head so he can see Liam click on twitter and go to who he’s following. “Alright, well. I’ve got Drake, Rihanna-”

“Naturally, naturally.” Harry adds with a gentle laugh.

Liam continues, “Nasa, Taylor Swift, Chris Pratt, Chris Evans, Obama, Michelle Obama-”

“Did you say Taylor Swift just a moment ago?”

“Nope.”

“Are you sure? Like right between Nasa and the two very manly superheroes?”

“No memory of that moment that you’re speaking of.”

Harry laughs, leaning his head back again and closing his eyes as his hand strokes Espeon’s fur. “Taylor Swift is sick.” He admits, unashamed in the fact that he enjoys any music that can make him sing along at least once. He’s never gotten why people make it seem like guys couldn’t enjoy pop music, anyway. It’s just genuinely fun to listen to. 

“Yeah, she is.” Liam laughs again. “You should have been around the boys and I for my birthday. We only listened to 22 (Taylor Swift™ No copyright infringement intended. Property of TAS LLC Management 2014©). All day. Like at least seven hours straight.”

“I’ve still got a few months to go until I get there but I hope I get the same treatment.” Harry chuckles, breathy and tired like all of his energy had just gone with the start of the game. 

“Maybe we can spend it together, though.” Liam nearly whispers, clearing his throat afterwards. “Anyway, what’s your twitter? I might as well follow you while I’m on here.”

“Uh, something like Harry underscore Styles underscore, maybe? I don’t pay much attention to my own I guess.”

Liam taps against his screen, scrolling for a moment, then taps again. “Just one underscore, I think.” He clicks onto a profile, expanding the icon. “Yep, that’s Espeon and--” Liam holds the phone closer to his face. “Part of your chin, I think.”

Harry laughs again, nodding. “Sounds right.” His phone vibrates against his thigh but he’s too lazy to work it out of his tight pocket and follow Liam back right this moment, he’ll get to it later tonight once he’s alone and able to process everything that’s gone on today.

“Alright, well. What about if you could turn into anyone you wanted, dead or alive, for one day? Who would you pick?”

“Absolutely anyone?” Harry hums for a second, “Mick. Jagger. Hands down. What an icon. Imagine waking up one day and you’re like ‘Holy shit, I’m Mick Jagger!’ Insane.” Harry rubs his hand gently over his face, tugging on his bottom lip for a bit once he’s done. “Thinking of questions is hard, I’m about to just google some.” Harry jokes, turning his head to find Liam watching him intently. It makes Harry’s stomach knot, his whole body feeling warm. “U-um, shit.” He laughs awkwardly, looking down at Espeon. 

“Have you ever deliberately broken someone’s heart?” And he shouldn’t have said that, shouldn’t have whispered it, should have just chosen something else. ‘Hey Liam, what’s your favorite color? Purple? That’s awesome, mine’s chartreuse!’ He wants to groan, fold in on himself and stay there until Liam just gets up and heads home.

“No.” He hears Liam but just barely, he’s quiet and too gentle with his voice. “I’m really not, like, a player like Louis was making me sound earlier.”

It’s going to turn back into the conversation from the kitchen and Harry feeling immediately guilty for making Liam’s lips pout like they are. 

“I’ve never dated anyone, though.” Liam adds, shrugging so hard that Harry can feel it against the couch. “Not because I didn’t want to settle down or whatever, I just don’t like the idea of settling at all. So I’ve never been in an actual relationship but I’ve also never been unfaithful to anyone I was talking to.” Liam’s hand comes in contact with Harry’s skin as he pushes the hair out of Harry’s face and lifts his chin. “I want you to know that specifically, yeah? I’d never actually hurt someone on purpose. Even if it was an accident it’d tear me apart to do.” 

Harry nods, smiling. “Yeah, it’s just all I could think of I guess.” Harry clears his throat, “I must have Hayden on my mind.” He doesn’t, not at all. He never does when Liam’s around and he actually hates himself a little bit for even letting Liam think that he did. “You’re a good guy, do you ever get tired of being such a good guy?” 

“Is that the next question because I think we skipped my turn.” Liam laughs slightly, lowering his hand from Harry’s jaw to rest it on Harry’s thigh instead. 

“Yeah, we’re skipping your turn. Do you ever get tired of being such a good guy?” Harry repeats.

“Not at all. I like seeing people smile. I think I get it from my mom, honestly. You should meet her, kindest woman in the entire world.”

“Bet my mom’s got her beat.”

“Nah, you have to think of offspring at this point in the Mom-Off. My mother: Karen Payne, bless her heart, has a son that’s truly angelic. Very pure at heart, loves to make other people smile and owns a small Siberian Husky. Which, by the way, is proven to be the cutest dog in the world.”

Harry opens his mouth to talk but Liam shushes him. “Your mother, also a lovely woman. Anne, I believe?” Harry nods to confirm. “She’s got a grumpy son. Always grumpy, never smiles at me when I want him to.” Harry bites against his lip to keep it from stretching into a grin. “See, there he goes, refuses to smile at me.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, and so rude.” 

“My mom’s an angel. I’m no reflection of her.” Harry shakes his head, “What’s your next question, asshole?’

“What kind of deodorant do you use?” Liam shrugs when Harry gives him a quizzical look. “You smell nice.” 

“Uh, I use Secret.” Harry laughs, “Powder fresh, in the spray can. What about you?”

Liam’s face looks disgusted. “I use Degree in the stick, you monster. You’re telling me you spray your deodorant on?”

“Yes I spray my deodorant on! It works so much better!”

Liam shakes his head, sitting up straighter and pulling his hand away from Harry’s thigh. “I can’t believe this, honestly.” He laughs, “Here’s the first reason you’re _wrong_ ,” Liam holds up one finger, “It gets all over the place.”

“Not if you-”

“SECONDLY,” Liam interrupts, “It’s always cold when you first put it on and then your whole day is started out with chilly spray. What’s the point!” 

Harry’s full out laughing now, Espeon long gone from his lap due to the commotion he’s causing by clutching his stomach and pure _cackling_ at Liam’s silly anger over an aerosol can.

“Third,” Liam continues like Harry’s not losing his mind. “It doesn’t even work as well.”

“Liam, you started this whole thing by telling me how good I smelled.” Harry wipes the back of his hand against his watering eyes, his laugh dying down now. “Plus stick deodorant gets all clumpy and shows up on your clothes.”

Liam lifts his arm quickly, examining his armpits.”I see no clumps or any stains.” He says matter-of-factly. “Show me yours.”

“You’re so ridiculous.”

“Come on, Harry. Up with the arms.”

So Harry raises his arms, shaking his head with a laugh as he does so. He looks at his armpits, pulling down the short sleeve of his shirt so Liam could get a good look as well. “Smells fresh, looks fresh.”

Liam leans in closer than Harry expected, their faces only a few inches from each other.

“Do you _shave_ your armpits?” 

Harry lowers his arms quickly, “Hairy armpits make you sweatier.” He laughs through the entire sentence, unable to control himself. “I hate sweating!” He pushes against Liam’s chest gently, leading him back a few feet. “I hate physical activity in general. One time Niall made me get on a mechanical bull and I thought I was going to die. But I lasted longer than he did.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. The shaving thing does a little bit, the bull thing doesn’t. Next question.” Liam chews on his lip, reaching his arm out to wiggle his fingers into Harry’s armpits. “Are you ticklish?” He asks, already having the answer as Harry literally tries to throw his body away from Liam’s which results in them both rolling off of the couch and onto the floor again. 

Liam’s hands are going at Harry from all directions and it seems like no matter which way he twists, Liam’s expecting it and prepared to counterattack. “Is this a yes?” He asks loudly over Harry’s laughter.

“I-” A solid minute of laughter. “HATE” More laughter. “YOU!” Harry wheezes, waving his arms frantically in hopes to distract Liam from his current task.

It takes what feels like hours but was probably closer to five minutes for Liam to ease up on Harry. He’s straddling Harry’s waist, his thighs holding Harry’s hips in place so he couldn’t wiggle out of the hold. 

Espeon’s grown bored with their antics, strutting past where the two boys are a mess of giggles and limbs on the floor with her tail swishing from side to side to get to her food bowl in the kitchen. 

“She hates me.” Liam laughs, moving his hands to settle on Harry’s waist, giving them a gentle squeeze.

“She hates human interaction, I’ve been home a lot lately.” Harry adds, his hands coming to rest on top of Liam’s for a moment. “Come on, let me up.”

“Don’t wanna.” Liam runs his hands up Harry’s sides, getting dangerously close to Harry’s armpits and it makes Harry squirm again, his body twisting under Liam until…

Harry let’s out a quiet laugh, hoping that Liam can’t notice the fact that he’s half hard in his too tight jeans and probably getting worse the longer he stays in the position he is.

“Let me up,” Harry repeats, his lips pushing into a pout. “I gotta pee.” 

Liam groans, sighs, pouts but he finally agrees and gets up, holding his hand out for Harry.

“Insufferable.” Harry mumbles, adjusting himself as he heads towards the bathroom, disguising it as his clothes being crooked from the wrestling.

Liam’s got Espeon in his lap when Harry returns and it’s just quiet enough in the apartment and outside that Harry can hear Liam whispering to her like Harry does sometimes when he’s alone with the cat.

“He’s a really cool guy, you know? I’m glad I met him.” Liam rubs Espy’s head right between her ears, right where she likes to rubbed the most. “He’s kind of intimidating at first, though. Like I was scared to talk to him.” The cat chirps, drawing it out into a meow. “Yeah, I see what you mean.” Liam laughs to himself. “I look nuts right now.”

Harry smiles to himself, a blush heating his cheeks all the way down to his chest. Liam just makes him feel warm all over at all times. He leans against the wall, watching Liam’s back as he continues his conversation with Espeon. He wonders what his mom would think about moments like these. What she’d think about Liam making sure Harry understood that he’d never hurt someone he cares about, or how Liam is constantly going out of his way to do something to benefit Harry. He thinks she’d like him, hopes she would.

Then he sighs softly, his chest heaving with it and the heavy weight he feels from wishing his mom was here to actually meet Liam so Harry could stop wondering all the goddamn time. 

Harry just wraps his arms around himself and steps backwards back down the hall to disappear into his bedroom for a moment. 

***

“I was wondering if I needed to come looking for you.” Liam says the moment he can hear Harry behind him. “Then I was thinking about what if aliens took you. Or a monster like, um. What’s that thing.. The boogie man or whatever. Poof, you could be gone and no one would ever know.”

Harry hums gently “I was just grabbing a sweatshirt, it’s getting kind of chilly. The heat’s not that great in here, radiators and stuff.” He punctuates his sentence with a yawn that he regrets because Liam checks the time on his phone immediately.

“It’s getting pretty late, you want me to head out?” 

Harry shakes his head as an answer, lowering himself back onto the couch and leaning his entire body into Liam. “I’m cold, Liam. Still feel a bit poorly, I think.” 

Liam’s arms engulf Harry in extra warmth as Liam pulls him more into his lap. “Well, I can’t leave then if you’re feeling poorly. I’ve promised Espy.” Liam nods like it’s a fact and Harry can’t help but bite back a smile.

Liam’s got the television remote in his hand, clicking through the channels that Harry gets. “Let’s just find something cool to watch yeah? Is this a smart TV?” Harry nods, confirming to Liam that not only is this a smart TV but it’s also Harry’s prized possession. The nicest thing in his apartment. The only thing he’s ever let himself splurge on since moving to Seattle.

“Alright so naturally we’ll just go to Netflix and-” Liam clicks the button, waits for Netflix to load and then smiles so widely that Harry can feel his chin move with it against the back of his head. “You share the account with your whole family?”

Harry’s chest feels tight again, he wishes he could just go ten minutes without being reminded of his mom or Gemma and the distance between them.

“That’s adorable.” Liam whispers into Harry’s hair, pressing a gentle kiss there afterwards. “You look just like your mom,” He adds after a moment, clicking on Harry’s profile on the account. “Bet she’s so proud of you.” Liam’s arms tight around him a little bit and Harry let’s himself fall into Liam more and be soothed. 

It’s not long after Liam starts an episode of The Blue Planet that Harry falls asleep, bundled in nothing but an over sized University sweatshirt and Liam’s arms. 

Harry thinks it’s the best sleep he’s ever gotten.

***

Harry wakes up alone in his bed with no memory of how he got there. The last thing he remembers is Liam whispering something about Jellyfish in his ear, mocking the posh british accent of the narrator of whatever show that was he had playing.

He pulls himself into a sitting position. He’s still wearing socks so there’s no way he brought himself back here but his jeans and boy, does he have some questions. To start: where was Liam? Did he leave and go home last night? Did he sleep on Harry’s couch? In Harry’s bed with him? If Liam did sleep in Harry’s bed, did Harry snore? Did they cuddle? Did Harry get to be the little spoon he was born to be?

His thoughts are interrupted by a slight bang from the other end of the apartment.

“Ugh, Christ, Espeon you can’t wait just a little longer before you start messing up the place?” Harry laughs slightly as he climbs out of his bed, the sweatshirt he’d slept in dropping to his thighs. “I’m coming.” 

Except it’s not Espeon making noise in the kitchen. It’s Liam and he’s standing completely still as Harry rounds the corner to find him. 

“I’m sorry.” Liam mumbles and the expression on his face let’s Harry know that it’s since, though Harry never doubted. “I was trying to make breakfast but I dropped the pan when I tried getting it out of the cabinet.” Liam looks bashful and sits the pan on the stove top, bringing his hands to his hair and pushing it back. “Do you like eggs? Or, um, pancakes? I ran to the store and grabbed stuff for whatever.” 

“Can you make them look like Mickey Mouse?”

“Could even add chocolate chips if you’d like?” Liam’s lips stretch into a smile. “Oh, I even dropped by the shop.” Liam pulls the refrigerator open and produces a drink from there, holding it out for Harry. “I went with iced just in case you didn’t wake up soon enough for your hot drink to still be hot.”

Harry takes the drink, sipping from the straw slowly. “I can’t believe that I have to absolutely keep you forever.” He hums happily, “I’m gonna go put on some pants and then I’ll come back and we can make breakfast together, yeah?”

Liam nods, pulling stuff for pancakes and eggs out of a brown paper back and laying it all out on the counter as Harry heads back towards his room.

He can hear his phone going off as he enters his room but he’s not sure where it’s at. Probably in one of the several pairs of discarded black jeans that lay randomly on his floor so he just starts searching, finding it in the third pair. The notification’s just a text but it’s enough to remind him to check the rest of them and after a moment he finds himself looking at Liam’s twitter. Liam underscore J underscore Payne. Harry hits follow on his account, scrolling through a few tweets while he wiggles into a pair of athletic shorts.

 _6 hr ago._ **@Liam_J_Payne** : Think its been a perfect nite gn

 _9 hr ago._ **@Liam_J_Payne** : This tweets 4 h when he follows me back lol hi

 _11 hr ago._ **@Liam_J_Payne** : hey @nialler_4prez will you grab me a cider while you’re up lol I dont want to talk during the movie smh

 _11 hr ago._ **@Liam_J_Payne** : im so FULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Harry can feel his smile in his cheeks, they ache with happiness. Harry favorites a few of Liam’s tweets before leaving his room. 

“Where did you sleep last night, Li?” 

“Um, couch. You kept telling me to just lay with you but by the time I got you in your bed you were completely spread out with no room for me. “ Liam laughs, stirring chocolate chips into the pancake batter.

“Not used to having people over.” Harry shrugs, being honest. He comes up behind Liam, wrapping his arm around the boy’s waist from behind. “You could have told me to take my socks off.” 

“Dude, you were so adamant about me not taking them off of you. Had no problem with me helping you out of your jeans but the moment I reached for your foot you shied away.” Liam leans into Harry’s chest, giving the pancake mix a final stir. “You make no sense. Like, ever.”

Harry laughs, his body shaking with it. “You still had a good night, yeah? The couch isn’t that great but I bet Espeon kept you company.”

“Don’t think she liked that I was there, honestly.” Liam sighs, shaking his head as he pours some mix into the heated pan. 

“I did.” Harry admits, backing off of Liam a bit and grabbing his drink again. “I had a really good night even if I totally crashed not that long after the boys left.”

“So did I, truly. It was fun.”

Harry glances over Liam’s shoulder, watching as he pours the mix for the ears. “Fun.” Harry repeats dreamily. 

***

Harry wakes up on his next day off to his phone ringing loudly and if it weren’t for Liam’s name being illuminated on the screen, he’d roll over and ignore it.

Except Liam never calls and Harry can’t stop himself from worrying about an emergency.

“Hullo?” Harry answers, his voice thick with sleep.

“Harry? Did I wake you up? Oh my god I’m sorry.” Liam laughs, “But… Since you’re up do you want to go to the market with me?”

Harry pulls his phone away from his ear to check the time, groaning quietly when he sees it’s only 9:30 AM. “Yeah, Li. Course, that’d be fun.” He says, tossing his comforter off of him and shivering as the cold air of his apartment hits his warm skin. “Let me feed Espeon, yeah?”  
Harry huffs out a breath as his bare feet touch down on his hardwood floors, padding out of his bedroom and down the hallway to find out where his cat’s gone.

“Do you just want to meet down there?” Liam hums, already sounding so awake that it makes Harry feel a bit sick.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll have to find my orca card so I might be like.. Forty minutes? Meet at Pike and Pine?”

“That sounds great, H. See you!” Liam clicks off, leaving Harry in silence and freezing in his boxers. 

“Come on, Espy. I gotta get going let’s find you some food.” The cat meows from her typical spot in the windowsill, jumping down once Harry cracks open a can of her food and dumps it out into her bowl. “I know that I promised we’d guiltily binge watch The Voice today but something’s come up.”

Espeon meows, her tail waving pretentiously in the air as she crosses to her food bowl.

“Yes, by something I mean Liam.” Espeon meows again. “Oh, shut up.”

Harry rubs his hand across his bare stomach, crossing the kitchen to head towards the bathroom. 

He glances in the mirror, pisses, thinks about brushing his hair, brushes his teeth, thinks about brushing his hair again before deciding on a beanie and heads to his room to figure out what to wear.

Harry pulls on the first t-shirt he can find, smelling it just to verify that it’s clean (it is), then decides on a big grey sweatshirt just because he knows he’s going to be freezing for the rest of the day and after donning his favorite pair of black skinnies he tops the outfit off with his dark green beanie and searches his room for his wallet.

***

It’s been forty-five minutes since Harry hung up with Liam and he’s practically running down the hill that leads to the market and praying that he doesn’t trip up and fall, stumbling all the way down until he lands broken and bruised at Liam’s feet. Luckily, it doesn’t happen like that and Harry takes a pause at Post Alley to catch his breath and compose himself before approaching Liam. He tugs his beanie on straight and takes a deep breath, walking the rest of the way down.

“Hey, Li. I’m sorry it took me so long, my wallet wasn’t anywhere I thought it was and ended up being in my freezer?” Harry laughs, his eyebrows furrowing. “I think Louis had something to do with it, he came over last night to bring Espy some toys from his work.”

“Lou’s an ass, it’s alright.” Liam chuckles, shrugging like he understands perfectly and Liam figures he does since he’s been friends with Lou longer than Harry has. “Speaking of stuff from work though,” Liam holds out a cup with his name doodled on it with hearts, stars and flowers accompanying it. “I stopped by and made some drinks. I almost got stuck working because they were actually crazy busy.”

“How’d you get out of it?”

A smirk spreads across Liam’s lips, “Told them I had a date.”

Harry blushes a bit as he takes the cup, raising it to his lips immediately because he’s come to long for the way Liam makes his teas and coffees. 

“That looks nice.” Liam gestures towards the camera hanging off Harry’s neck so Harry grabs it, lifting it up a little bit to examine it. 

“Yeah, she’s pretty great. We’ve been together for a while,” Harry talks as they start to head into the market. “I’ve got a digital one as well but nothing quite compares to film.” He smiles, raising the camera to his eye so he can look at the world through his lens.

“I didn’t realize you did photography.” Liam’s got a frown on his lips when Harry lowers the camera and glances over him. 

“Well, you never asked what I was studying at school.” Harry laughs. “I’m not one to talk about myself if you haven’t gathered.”

“Which is a pity since I’m constantly dying to know all there is to know about you.” Liam’s lips twist into a smile now, stretching wider as he nudged Harry’s arm and Harry nudges back. 

“Well, I’m a photography student. Mostly working with film but that’s just because I’m obsessed with the dark room.” Harry takes another drink from his tea and holds the cup close to his face to feel the warmth radiating from it. “But digital is just as interesting and fun.”

“You should show me some of your work sometime, yeah?”

Harry shrugs, nodding kind of because he’s not used to sharing his work in a face to face type of way. He’s been in galleries, hung with some of the best in New York but he can always stand at a distance and hear the critiques in secret like that. He’s never been someone to show his work so boldly. “I usually showcase in the student gallery over winter break. I mean, I won’t be here to go and show you but if you stuck around Seattle you could probably find me there.” Harry sighs. “As long as I get my final film developed and printed.”

“What’s the project?” 

Harry shrugs, there’s only a few weeks left of classes but he hasn’t even started. He hasn’t even thought of his project proposal or how he’d present the finished product.

“I figure I’ll figure it out when it comes to me. I’ll probably take some pictures today, try and feel inspired or something.” 

Liam smiles at that, wiggling his free hand at Harry until Harry gets the memo and locks fingers with him. “Nothing more inspiring than the market on a Saturday morning in freezing weather.”

Harry laughs too, shaking his head as they head towards a flower stand. “At least it’s not that busy.” 

“There’s the positivity!” Liam gives Harry’s hand a squeeze, tugging him just a little bit closer. “What do you say about breakfast on me?” He raises his brows, nodding in the direction of a bakery that Harry’s never actually noticed before.

“That sounds great, Li, but I’m going to order one of everything they have.” 

Liam laughs softly, letting go of Harry’s hand to drape his arm over his shoulders. “That’s alright with me, H.”

-

They end up walking the market for two hours and Liam spends most of the time debating between several pieces of handmade jewelry to get his mom for Christmas while Harry ate through their bag of endless pastries. 

It turns out that the market was an inspiration to Harry after all, he’s got less than a roll of and plenty of ideas floating around his head on what to do with the shots he has. Including a few of an unexpecting Liam.

***

“I can’t believe it’s snowing!” Liam shouts as he pushes the shop door open. “Like, it’s actually fucking snowing.”

He earns a few shushes from customers browsing the books but it does nothing to dull Liam’s excitement. 

“I heard we were going to get like six inches, it’s crazy.” 

“That is crazy, Li.” Snow in the middle of december isn’t unheard of at all, but in the two years that Harry’s live in Seattle, he’s only seen it snow maybe 6 inches in total. But all anyone’s been talking about today is how much snow they were going to be getting in one day. Which, he supposes 6 inches in one day is a lot for a place that’s not used to snow. Harry thinks his mom would laugh if she heard how people acted to that dusting of snow.

“It’s so pretty, have you looked at it, Haz?”  
Harry can’t help but smile fondly as Liam all but presses his face against the storefront to stare out at the white flurries falling from the sky. 

“Walked all the way from my apartment in it, man. I’ve seen enough.” Harry looks back down, flipping the page in his book and putting his focus back on reading the next passage.

“I guess you’re pretty used to snow, huh? I’ve seen New York get a lot on the news.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty used to it. It’s fun to watch everyone get so excited though. And hillarious to watch everyone panic once it gets over one inch.” Harry laughs softly, his focus shifting to two customers coming to check out their books. 

“Have a great day! Drive safe!” Liam shouts at them as they head out of the shop, their faces wrapped in scarves. 

“Do you think we’ll be pretty dead because of the weather?” Liam asks, his face looking hopeful and childlike.

“I’m surprised they didn’t close today, honestly. There wasn’t anyone before your shift started for like… three hours and that was before it started snowing.” Harry opens his book again, licking his thumb before turning the page again. 

“This is going to be the best day at work we’ve ever had.” 

Harry laughs again, nodding in agreement. 

It takes Liam another minute before he’s heading over to Harry’s counter, placing a cup of hot tea in front of Harry, stars and flowers and _hearts_ doodled around his name, with a wide crinkle-eyed smile. 

“Thanks, Li.” Harry smiles and he’s sure it matches the size of Liam’s. “I’ve got something for you, too, actually.” He reaches below the counter, pulling his backpack into his lap to grab a book out of it. “I know it’s been awhile since I’ve given you a book but you took forever reading Lord of the Rings triology.”

“It was like 800 pages each!”

“It took you ages.” Harry laughs, placing a small book on the counter and sliding it across to Liam. “Here, Perks Of Being A Wallflower. It’s short, it’s heartbreaking, it’s.. Just good. I think you’ll like it a lot.”

“Yeah, yeah. Emma Watson’s in the movie, isn’t she?” Liam looks embarrassed to ask but Harry just nods, smiling softly. 

“Yeah, that movie was really great and I don’t usually like adaptations.”

“You don’t like anything, snob.” Liam smiles, reaching across the counter to pinch Harry’s cheeks. “I’m gonna go read in the back, I’ll come up if anyone comes in but if you need me then I’m in my chair.”

“Alright, Li. Enjoy it.”

***

“Liam, I thought you said we were only going to get like six inches.” Harry shouts the statement, not worried since the shops completely empty aside from him and Liam. He’s staring out the front windows, watching as the snow keeps piling against the door. It doesn’t look like it’s too much more than six inches but it also doesn’t look like the snow’s planning on stopping any time soon.

“What’s that?” Liam pops his head out from behind a bookshelf. Harry can see the moment Liam realizes how bad it’s coming down outside on his face. His eye’s widen and his jaw goes a little slack. “Holy cow.” 

Harry barks out a laugh. “Holy cow? Christ Liam, you’re seven years old today.” Harry turns his attention back to the window. “Should I check the radar? Call the bosses or something?”

The last thing Harry wants to do is get stuck in the middle of a freak blizzard too far away from his apartment for him to get home easily. 

“Yeah, probably. Maybe we could close early and just head home.” Liam closes the book in his hand all the way, sitting it on Harry’s counter as he walks past. “I’m going to make some hot cocoa while we wait, though.”

“Oooh-- Make me some.” Harry hums, dialing one of the owner’s numbers and holding his phone to his ear. “You could come back to mine tonight? I think Espy’s literally figured out how to meow your name because it’s been a few weeks and she really misses you.” 

Liam rolls his eyes, “It’s barely been four days.” 

Harry laughs and shrugs, deciding to not respond as his call connects and starts to ring. It rings a few times, goes to voicemail. He tries the other, same thing. With a huff he lowers his phone.

“Bosses aren’t picking up, I guess we just go about business as usual?”  
“Business as usual.” Liam repeats three seconds before the power cuts out and Harry let’s out a scream from being surprised. 

“Relax, relax.” Liam pulls his phone out, turning the flashlight on and using it to see his way over to where Harry’s standing. “It’s not even that dark outside, we have plenty of light for right now.” 

“Shut up, it surprised me.” Harry pouts, turning his flashlight on as well. “It’s already 5:30, the sun’s not going to last that long and it looks like the whole block’s out of power.” Harry steps closer to the windows, trying to get a better view down the street. “Do we have candles and stuff in the back room?”

Liam shrugs, crossing the room to lock the front door and flip the sign to closed before gesturing for Harry to follow him. 

It’s darker back here, there’s not ambient light pouring in through large windows. It’s just dark. Completely pitch black and even though they have two flashlights, Harry can’t help but follow Liam’s so close that they might as well have their arms linked together. 

“Are you scared of the dark, H?” Liam asks softly, his hand finding Harry’s even in the dark as they search for candles or more flashlights.

“Me? A grown man scared of the dark? Yes.” Harry gives Liam’s hand a squeeze, following him in whatever direction he thinks is best. “Terrified, actually. If the streetlights outside of my apartment didn’t stream light into my bedroom I’d probably sleep with a nightlight.” He admits.

“We’ll get out of here soon, it won’t be so bad in the front of the store.”

Harry nods in response even though Liam can’t see him.

“I swear we have a box of emergency stuff over here, hold on.” Liam releases Harry’s hand and takes too many steps away from him for Harry’s preference. “Ah, here. Hold on, Harry take like seven steps forward, just straight shot towards my flashlight.” 

Harry watches Liam wave his light around, following it light a bug. “I literally can’t see where I’m stepping even with my phone’s light on this is too dark.”

“Two more steps, man, I swear you’re alright.” Liam laughs softly, “Wouldn’t let anything happen to you back here.” 

Harry takes a few more steps, Liam’s face coming into view as Harry’s light washes over it.

“See, there you are! Shine your light up there-” he points above their heads. “I can’t hold mine and reach for the box at the same time.”

Harry does as he’s told and nervously watches Liam climb onto a chair, reaching above his head to grab onto a box with the word EMERGENCY scrawled on the side of it in fat sharpie strokes. 

Harry’s eyes trail down the length of Liam, pausing for a moment to see how the light reflects off of the smooth skin peeking out from between Liam’s waistband and sweater. 

_Not the time, Styles._ He tells himself, peeling his eyes away to make sure he’s shining the light in a good place for Liam to be able to see what he’s doing.

“Alright,” Liam says as he steps down off the chair with a large box in his arms. “Let's get out of here and see what's in this thing.”

Harry nods and started to lead them from the back room with both his and Liam’s flush lights and the helpful guidance of Liam behind him. 

“Alright, candles, an emergency blanket, a big flashlight,” Liam starts pulling things from the box and listing them as soon as they reach the book counter. “A crank radio and some batteries.” Liam gasps a little and it scares the crap out of Harry. 

“What?!”

“There’s walkie talkies in here!” Liam’s face lights up as he pulls them out, shoving one into Harry’s hands. 

“Liam we don't need walkie talkies,” Harry laughs. 

“Of course we do? Very important we need to make sure we can communicate.”

Harry rolls his eyes but gives in, clipping the two-way radio to his belt loop. “Let's get these candles lit so I can have some peace.”

Liam laughs loudly, the noise echoing through the too-quiet, powerless shop. “Alright, let's do that then.”

***

Static. Then, “Campus is closed for the rest of the week. Happy Early Christmas Break.” A pause. “Over.” 

Harry looks up from the book he’s hunched over, his phone illuminating the screen, to see Liam just across the room with the walkie talkie in one hand and his phone in the other. It’s been two hours since the power went out and Harry thinks that maybe Liam’s gone a bit stir crazy. They had finally heard from the owners, whose power had gone out at home just before Harry tried to call them. It turns out that with the power off, the store couldn’t be closed down properly so Harry and Liam were stuck there until the owners could figure out a way to get there and relieve them. It hadn’t been too bad, they were in a room full of books to read. They had pastries and snacks in the coffee counter, candles placed on every solid surface and luckily, for Harry, Liam had brought his phone charger with him today.

Liam, however, is slowly losing his mind and trying to drag Harry down with him.

“You're ridiculous,” Harry says loud enough for Liam to hear without the radio. 

Static again. “Am I? Haven't noticed that before. Over.”

“You’re insufferable.” Harry mumbles into the radio.

Silence falls between them and when Harry looks back up he finds Liam looking at him expectantly. 

“Over?” Harry raises his eyebrow as he talks into the walkie and Liam nods, smiling down at the radio.

“Insufferable.” Harry whispers, laughing slightly to himself.

***

“You look cold.” Liam states the obvious, sitting on the arm of the chair Harry’s currently curled up in. 

“The heats been off for like four hours and I only wore a hoodie.” Harry pouts a bit, making grabby hands at Liam. Liam catches his drift, gripping Harry’s waist to move him around and situate himself in the chair with him, Harry on his lap and wrapped in his arms. 

“I just got off the phone with Boss,” Harry can hear this frown in Liam’s voice. “The roads are closed and they can’t get here like.. Any time soon. There’s apparently twelve inches out already.”

“That’s not even that much.. School doesn’t even get cancelled in New York until you hit like four feet.” Harry huffs out a sigh, watching his breath take form in front of him. It was so cold in here, he can’t imagine what his apartment was like.

“It’s not the snow, it’s the wind and it’s apparently pretty icy out there.” Liam pulls Harry closer, burying his face in Harry’s neck. He sighs, “They’ll get here tonight, don’t worry. They also said that we could leave, they didn’t want to force us to stay here any longer. They’ll get here in a few hours and wait it out, we just have to lock the doors and the safe, alright?” 

Harry nods, shivering every time Liam’s breath touches the sensitive skin on his neck. It makes Liam tighten his arms around Harry’s waist.

“You should come back to mine?” Liam hums, rubbing his thumb against Harry’s waist. “It’s a closer walk and you only have a hoodie.”

“What about Espeon?” Harry frowns, turning his head a bit so he can try to look at Liam’s face. “She’s never spent a night alone before.” 

“Fine but I’m not letting you go home by yourself, alright?”” Liam lets out a soft sigh and adjusts them so he can stand up. “Come on, let’s get our stuff together and get out of this dark hell.”

Harry nods, chewing on his lip. “Yeah, alright.” Harry sits up, adjusts his sweatshirt and then stands. 

***

“I don’t think I have any more blankets.” Harry laughs slightly, dragged an armful of comforters into his bedroom from the hall closet. “These are the last two.”

“I think six comforters will be enough, Harry.” Liam shakes his head, standing from the bed to help Harry relieve himself from the weight of the blankets. “I thought you were used to all this snow storm stuff?”

“I am.” Harry laughs, undoing his jeans and shimmying out of them. “But it’s cold.” Harry shivers as his pants hit the ground, the cool air around them hitting his unexpecting skin. “Heat never works in here, always cold.” Harry crosses his bedroom, digging through his drawer to find a pair of sweatpants for himself and then grabbing a larger pair and tossing it towards Liam.

“That’s why you keep inviting me around, huh?”

“Human furnace,” Harry confirms, a sly smile against his lips. “But Espeon gets to cover the feet. They’re her favorite.”

Liam gasps, covers his chest with his hand and stares down a sleeping Espeon. “I don’t know if I can handle this level of betrayal from someone I considered a friend.”

Harry laughs at that, shaking his head and turning around just in time to see Liam changing into the borrowed sweatpants. Harry doesn’t turn back around. 

“So, when do you leave again?” Liam pushes at his fringe, moving it off of his forehead before flopping down onto Harry’s bed and welcoming Espeon onto his lap.

“Uh, Saturday.” Harry pulls his hair into a bun, “Like super early, I still need to try and get a ride.” He huffs, watching Liam stroke Espeon’s fur. 

“You didn't ask me yet.” Liam gestures for Harry, patting the open space on the bed. 

It warms Harry from the inside, tickling his stomach and his chest, his throat. He sighs, smiling as he does so, and crosses to take a seat on his bed. “Do you have a car?”

Liam laughs and shifts so Harry can slot himself against him. “I don't, actually. But you can sit on my bike handlebars and I'll pedal you there. We might have to leave Friday night to make it on time.” Liam furrows his brows, looking up at Harry like he’s confused himself by trying to figure out how he could get Harry to the airport in time. 

It makes Harry all but throw Espeon out of the bed to make himself comfortable against Liam’s side.

“I just wanted to seem useful.” Liam laughs again, his eyes crinkling as he wraps his arms around Harry’s waist to pull him even closer. “Have you asked Lou yet?”

“Yeah, he's got some thing with Niall’s family this weekend.” Harry shrugs slightly, tucking his head in the crook of Liam’s neck like he wants to make himself smaller to fit better.

“Oh yeah, Niall’s flying to England next week to meet the family.” Harry can feel Liam’s smile, can feel the happiness he has for their friends. “Louis’ family is huge, do you know much about them?” 

Harry nods, “Lou was my best friend when I first moved. He was the first friend I really made. We had a class together and ended up being on the same dorm floor. He never shut up about them.”

Saying it out loud takes him back to 2013, being fresh off a plane with a newly broken heart. He almost hadn’t gone to any of his classes, almost dropped out and ran back to New York but he couldn’t even afford a plane ticket to get anywhere. 

He had tried to sit in the back of the lecture room, alone in the row with his backpack in the seat next to him and a beanie pulled low on his head. That’s where Louis entered, dropping into the seat right next to Harry’s backpack, placing his bag next to it and offering a small smile to Harry. 

Harry can remember being annoyed and then Louis just shrugged and said “I don’t think anyone should sit alone on their first day of classes. It sets the tone for the next few years.” 

Harry had tried to explain that he wouldn’t be here for the next few years, that he was just going to attend the semester and move back across the country but Louis was so persistent with talking to him that Harry never found the chance. Two years later he still hasn’t found the chance.

He can remember meeting Niall, too. Harry had just heard back about the job at the book shop, meaning he could quit working at the movie theater for good and he couldn’t wait to tell Louis so he barged into his dorm, not bothering to knock or even look up from his phone before he started telling his exciting news. It wasn’t until he heard someone scream that Harry realized something was off, then he laughed for fifteen minutes at the horrified look on the half-naked-fake-blond’s face. 

They all fell into place after that, for a little while at least. Harry’s been a pretty shit friend but it never stopped them from texting and keeping each other up to date on their day to day. 

“Our moms became friends, too. We used to have group skype calls, just me and Lou hanging out and our mom’s on video with us.” Harry smiles fondly at the memory, closing his eyes to savor it. “They’ve got each other on facebook, they’re always posting mom memes to each other’s walls. It’s adorable, really.”

Liam chuckles, rubbing his hand against Harry’s waist. “His mom’s incredible, huh?”

Harry nods, his fingers toying with the hem of Liam’s shirt. “How do you guys know each other?”

Liam smiles, his eyes closing as he talks. “I met Louis because my dad worked in London for awhile with a man named Mark Tomlinson when I was a teenager.”

“Lou’s dad?”

Liam nods, continuing. “Yeah, ages ago. I guess they bonded over both having teenage sons and then he told me about Louis because he thought we’d get along.” Liam’s cheeks stretch into a smile. “We used to play video games over skype together.”

Harry smiles, his fingers dipping under Liam’s shirt to trace against the tuft of hair near his navel.

“When his parents divorced he decided to move here. We’d been friends for like four years, he kind of just stayed with me and my parents until we both applied to UW.” Liam shrugs, using his free hand to grab at Harry’s mound of blankets, pulling a couple of them up and over their bodies. “He’s like my brother.”

“How did we never meet?” 

“Maybe Louis was trying to keep you for himself. He's very possessive.” Liam laughs softly, punctuating it with a yawn. 

Harry laughs, yawning after Liam. “That's probably it.” 

There's a bit of silence between them but it's not awkward, it's just comfortable. It's a silence that harry's become familiar with the last few weeks, curled up in his bed just moments before Liam falls asleep. It's a silence that harry thinks he could live in if only he were able to. 

“Goodnight, H.”

“Night, Li.”

***

His alarm is blaring, it’s freezing and he’s going to miss his flight. That’s just what’s going to happen, he already knows it. It’s probably later than he needs it to be, he’s probably missing something that he needs to find and pack last minute and he’s never going to find a ride to the airport at-- Harry glances to his alarm clock now-- 5:26 a.m.

He pulls himself into a sitting position before shutting it off, rubbing the back of his hand against his eyes to try and ease his sleepiness away. 

“Today’s the day,” He yawns, sniffling afterwards because _God he’s tired_. “We gotta leave in fifteen minutes, Espy. I hope you’re ready.” Harry smiles at his cat for multiple reasons. 

Reason number one: she’s very cute in the mornings because she’s almost as lazy as Harry after first waking up.

Reason number two: she’s looking at him with pure anger in her eyes, like she’s not ready at all and how dare he plan this trip.

Reason number three, and probably the biggest reason: Harry was going to see his mom today. He was going to be back in New York today. He was going to be with his family today and for Christmas. 

He pulls on a new pair of sweatpants, tossing what he slept in to his hamper before leaving his room and pulling his suitcase to the middle of his apartment. “Okay, call a cab Harry because you’ll never get one if you don’t.” He sighs loudly, dropping onto his couch to dial the number.

It’s ringing when there’s a knock on his door, Harry looks confused and sleepy when he answers it to find an energized Liam.

“Li, I leave today, I can’t-”

“I obviously know that,” Liam laughs, interrupting and holding out a warm-looking cup of coffee. “I brought you a drink. Did you just wake up? We have to leave really soon.” Liam’s eyes look worried, like he knows that Harry’s already stressing out about the day. “But we’ll make it, no matter what.”

Harry must look confused once Liam takes a good look at him because Liam pushes Harry’s hair out of his face and smiles fondly, his eyes crinkling and everything. 

“I got access to a car, I told you I was going to help out. No cab rides for my boy.”

Harry melts, pulling Liam in for a gentle hug because that’s all he can think of doing. Liam is an impossible man. An incredibly, absolutely, impossible man. 

“Fuck, Liam. That’s.. God I’m so lucky to have you around. Thank you? You’re constantly doing things I can’t even fathom repaying you for.” 

“Not asking for repayment, just asking for you to get your ass dressed and down to the car.” Liam laughs, heading into Harry’s apartment. “I’ll grab your bags, is it just this suitcase?” 

Harry just nods, taking a drink from the cup Liam’s thrusted into his hands. 

“Alright. Come on, Espy let’s get you loaded up so Daddy can make sure he’s got all of his essentials.” Liam scoops the cat into his arms, pressing a kiss to her head. “Where’s her crate?”

“Hall closet.” Harry sits his drink down, passing Liam to head into his room and do a last minute sweep.

There’s only five minutes left until he has to leave and it’s not enough time for him to think adequately. What does he have in his bag? What does he need? Is there anything he’s not thinking of? Why hadn’t he made a checklist? 

Okay, okay okay. Four minutes.

Ticket, check.  
Wallet, check.  
Computer, check.  
Chargers, check.

“Don’t forget your toothbrush!” Liam calls from the front room and God- Harry managed to forget that.

“Got it, thanks!” Harry laughs at himself and hurries into the bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush and toothpaste and a hairbrush and deodorant and-- Christ how did he forget all of this.

“Two minutes and I’m taking Espeon to the airport with or without you!”

“I’m coming!” Harry laughs, his arms full of toiletries as he runs into the living room. 

***

“You seem distracted.” Gemma drops onto the couch next to him, turning the opened bag of chips in her hand towards Harry so he could help himself to some. He does and they sit in silence for a moment.

Maybe Harry is distracted. He’s been in New York for two days but all he can think about is his flight back home in a few weeks. Home. Is that Seattle now? A few months ago Harry was calling New York home still. His mother’s house in New York City, that was home but now that he’s sitting here on the couch that he spent his teenage years lounging on… Harry doesn’t know if this is home anymore. He doesn’t know if this is still where he belongs, where he’ll end back up at. Was Seattle his home now? Or was it something else? Someone else?

Harry clears his throat, finally. “I’m alright, Gem. Just tired from traveling I guess.” He fakes a yawn like it’ll prove his point.

“Bullshit.” Gemma laughs, shaking her head as she pushes against Harry’s shoulder. “You’re totally doinking someone.”

“Who says doinking?” 

“Someone who’s not trying to change the subject, who is he!”

Harry sighs, sinking into the couch. “Who are any of us, really?”

Gemma responds by slapping Harry in the face with a pillow repeatedly, the chips abandoned between them. It all ends with them in a fit of laughter, weakly swinging decorative pillows in the other’s direction.

“Oh, hold on hold on my phone.” Harry breathes out, lowering his pillow and welcoming another swat from Gemma’s pillow. “Truce, Gem. I have to get this.” Harry stands, crossing to the entrance to the living room and leaning against the wall as he pulls his texts up.

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_hey cupcake adjusting to NY life alright?”_

Harry breathes out a small laugh, his thumbs typing out a response before he can even think too much about it.

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Yeah, but I’m missing you a bit_

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_missin u 2 shops no fun w.o my best guy_

Harry sighs, locking his phone and shoving it back into his impossibly tight jean pocket. When he looks up, Gemma’s staring at him and shoving chips into her mouth with an evil smirk.

“I’m not doinking anyone.” Harry starts, rolling his eyes as he does so because he _really_ shouldn’t have to explain himself to anyone especially not to his older sister. 

“It’s funny,” Gemma replies, brushing her hands off on her jeans and tapping her thumbs against her phone’s screen. “Louis tells me a different story completely. Apparently you have a boyfriend that you’ve just conveniently failed to mention to me or Mom.”

“Mom or me.” Harry corrects because he absolutely doesn’t want to be a part of this conversation. 

Gemma laughs and rolls her eyes, “Whatever, are you going to tell me about him or do I really have to dig into Louis for information?” Gemma raises her eyebrows, her arms crossed over her torso as she looks up at Harry expectantly. 

He knows he’s lost. He should have known before this even started that he was going to lose because this is Gemma and she always gets what she wants out of a situation.

“Don’t- just…” Harry closes his eyes. “We aren’t- doinking.”

“Louis said you’ve been dating for like… months, Harry. Not to pry but I don’t believe you.” She shrugs, grabbing the bag of chips again. “I’m not here to get the details of your sex life, anyway. I just want my little brother tell me things about his life! You live so far away, H. You never call me, we never see each other.” Gemma’s lips push into a pout that Harry has to look away from because it feels like it’s physically breaking his heart. “I just miss you lately. I shouldn’t have to go through your friends to find stuff out, you know?”

“I know, Gem. I-” Harry sighs, giving up and dropping back onto the couch. “His name’s Liam, we work together but we aren’t actually dating. Nick was wanting to flirt with him but I couldn’t let it happen. Liam’s such a good guy, Gem. He deserves good guys and Nick’s not a good guy. ”

Gemma quirks her eyebrow, “I’m confused.”

“We told Nick we were dating back in August, I think. Then we lead the boys to think the same thing so now all our friends think we’re together but we’re just… friends. He’s- he’s a great friend. We’ve just been going along with it and I haven’t told you or Mom about it because there’s nothing to tell. Just two friends, hanging out all the time and acting like a couple whenever other people are around us. Simple.” 

“Does Espeon like him?”

“So much,” Harry groans, tossing his head back and staring up at the ceiling.

“Well, little bro. You’re getting emotionally doinked at least.” She laughs softly, patting Harry’s shoulder to comfort him.

After a moment of silence between them, Gemma speaks up again. “Do you want to tell me about him? I know it’s not like I’ll be able to get out there and meet him any time soon, but I’d still like to know about your friends. Whether they’re just friends or fake more than that.”

“Maybe later, Gem. I think I really want a nap.” Harry stands, pressed a kiss to his sister’s head and turns to leave the room. “Do you think that, like. You could keep this from Mom? It’s not a secret or anything but you know how she’ll get.”

“Oh, you mean how she’ll overreact, think you’re running off to get married and remind you of your _troubled_ past with guys?”

Harry nods, groaning a little.

“No problem, Harry. Just stop keeping stuff from me so I don’t have to pry so much, yeah?”

Harry nods but makes no promises, neither out loud or within his own mind.

***

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_ok so i have 2 tell u smth but u hav 2 promis me that u wnt hate me_

Harry stares down at the notification for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion and worry. He doesn’t think Liam could do anything that could make Harry hate him but Harry’s concerned to find out what Liam thinks could cause that. 

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Um. Okay. I promise._

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_i might hav told my mom we were dating? lou alrdy hinted that i had a bf before he flew out of the country n out of my reach so i cldnt WACK HIM!_

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_her n my sisters wldnt leave me alone abt it im sry h_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Li, it’s fine. It’s not a big deal, yeah? Just make sure you really talk me up to them. Make sure they think I’m the best boyfriend in the world._

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_lol i alrdy hav been tbh_

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_cos u r_

“Is something on your mind, darling?” Harry’s mom asks as she continues to chop the vegetables for tomorrow’s Christmas dinner. “You’ve seemed so distracted the last few days, I tried to ask Gemma if she knew anything and she just told me I was being crazy.” His mother laughs, peeling a new carrot to add to the pile. “Perhaps I am, but I know when something’s up with my baby boy.”

“Nothing, Mom. Just thinking about school and stuff, I guess.” Harry lies easily because he’s been doing it for months with his mom every time she calls when he’s in the middle of imagining him and Liam with two kids and a house near the water. A pet or two running around the house. Harry sighs dreamily, placing his chin in his hand. Maybe he should just tell her, talk about his feelings for once instead of bottling them up and hoping they disappear. 

“Mom?”

His mother answers with a hum.

Harry shrugs even though he knows exactly why he’s asking. “I was just wondering, were you in love with Dad?”

His mother nods, a sad smile across her face. “Once upon a time, I was, yes. That’s the worst thing about love, sometimes it comes and stays but other times it goes. Too soon and with no explanation.” 

She’s being careful with her words, Harry can tell. It’s like she thinks that maybe if she says the wrong thing that it could upset him, send him back to memories of his failed relationships. Harry doesn’t think he can even start to give a shit about anyone from his past at this point. He’s blinded completely by Liam, unable to see past him in any direction. _Liam, Liam, Liam._

“I’m over Hayden, Mom.” Harry feels free saying it outloud. It’s been so long since it happened, anyway. He doesn’t know why he’s been holding onto the pain he felt all those years ago. Maybe because he didn’t have anything else to hold onto until now but that thought made Liam seem like a rebound but he’s not that. He’s so much more.

His mom hums again, not like she doesn’t believe him but more so like she’s heard this conversation a million times over and doesn’t know how to push forward.

“I think I have been for a really long time, I just didn’t know how to let myself move on from the funk it had me in.” Harry shrugs, watching as his mom grabs a potato to work on now. “I got used to being so sad all the time, to alienating myself. You know I didn’t talk to the boys all summer? I stopped talking to Nick until the Fall Break trip. I didn’t even know over half of the people I’ve worked with for over a year.” Harry pauses for a moment, thinking about his words and what’s still in his mind. “It’s like I wanted myself to not get better.”

Harry’s never thought about his mental health before, not that he’s diagnosing himself with an illness but just in general. He’s never considered his own mental health and how he should probably want to work on bettering it for no one but himself. He’s so used to holding onto every feeling he has and tucking far, far away inside of himself that no one could even begin to tap the surface but maybe this revelation of his was leading him in the right direction. With everything.

He thinks about his mental health now, he thinks about the toll holding onto the paint his ex boyfriend caused him has taken on him. He thinks about how he’d let cigarettes into his life, got himself a little too interested in pills. He thinks about how he used to flinch when he passed a reflective surface because he couldn’t recognize the colorless figure with the deep set bags under his eyes staring back at him.

“Do you still feel like that?” 

“No.” It’s short, but it’s honest. “I don’t think I want anything more than to feel better. And I do, feel better that is.” His lips twitch into a smile, “I’m over Hayden and everything that happened two years ago. I’m doing really well this semester, I see the boys at least twice a week now.” He’s smiling widely now, his mom’s face a perfect reflection.

“I can tell.” His mom replies, her eyes shining in the light from the moisture gathering in them. “I’ve been able to tell the last few months that something was different. You seemed so light hearted on the phone, no sighing after every sentence like it’s such a chore to talk about your day.” His mom sniffs. “My baby boy was acting like himself again, but I didn’t want to ask. You know I hate prying too much, I figured if it’s important he’ll tell me. If something’s going on, he’ll tell me.” She stops chopping for a moment, sits the knife down and just looks at Harry with fondness and love in her eyes. “You’re so grown up, Harry.”

Harry’s cheeks heat up in response as he looks down at the mug of hot chocolate he’s left abandoned on the table. “I’m not, Mom but I’m trying to figure it all out as I go.” 

They laugh together, soft and similar like their laughs have always been.

Harry picks at the skin on his finger, chewing on it when that doesn’t satisfy him enough and his mother goes back to preparing the food.

“Mom?” He says softly, sinking into his chair a bit. “I think I’m in love with someone.” 

“Oh?”

Harry nods, avoiding eye contact as he takes a long drink from his mug.

“Is this someone the reason you feel happy again?” Harry can hear the worry in her comment. He can hear her thinking ‘great, he gets over one person that broke his heart to move onto another that he’s depending on for happiness.’ Harry wants to tell her she’s wrong but he has to take a minute just to think it all over. 

Harry shrugs, then nods. Then he shakes his head because he feels happy for himself. He made the decision to start letting go of his hard shell and let himself feel things other than loneliness for himself, not for Liam. Not for any of his friends. But Liam’s helped guide him, helped him decide that feeling good wasn’t a bad thing. He’s the reason Harry wanted to feel better, but he wasn’t the only reason Harry had to feel better. “No, but yes.” he decides, furrowing his brow a bit with his answer. “He’s done a lot for me the last few months. He’s been a really good friend and I think that’s what I needed.” Harry laughs softly, “He also helped me realize I had a handful of really good friends already, I just had to be opened up a little bit more.”

“It’s different than anything else, you know?” His mother nods, apprehensive to talk about the subject too much. “It’s like… He just wants to see me happy, he just wants to know that I’m doing alright.” Harry laughs, realizing how cheesy it all sounds. “He’s so pure at heart and soul, Mom. I wish you could meet him.”

His mom’s smiling when Harry looks back up at her. “How do you know?”

“I just do, Mom. I wish I could explain it better than that but all I know is that he treats me like I matter more than anything and I can’t imagine my life without having him around at this point.”

“What’s that one line from that book you like?” She dumps the vegetables she’s chopped into a large pot and rests her hands against the counter, leaning against it as she looks over at Harry. “We accept the love we think we deserve?” Her eyes are watery again and Harry knows if he points it out she’ll blame the onions she cut twenty minutes ago. “I think you’re finally accepting what you really deserve.”

***

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_its snowin again_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Here too. It adds a bit of Christmas magic to the night, I suppose_

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_its makin me cold n im under like 4 blankets_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Are you stealing my methods? I’ll remember that the next time you’re making fun of me!_

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  


Harry chuckles as he looks down at his phone, clicking the image to make it bigger. He just stares at it for a moment, a dopey smile stuck against his lips. 

“Who’s that then?” Gemma rests her chin on Harry’s shoulder, reaching for the phone but Harry’s quick and gets away from her easily. 

“None of your business.” Harry huffs, typing out a quick message to Liam to let him know he needs more blankets before shoving his phone into his pocket and out of Gemma’s reach. “Is Mom ready for us to hang the stockings yet?” He changes the subject, crossing the living room quickly to find out where his mom’s disappeared to.

“I am ready for you, actually.” She hums as she takes the last step on the stairs with a box in her arms. 

Their family was small but full of traditions, on Christmas Eve their mom would give them each one gift that always consisted of new pajamas and then they would hang their stockings and watch a Christmas movie while drinking hot chocolate. 

“Your presents are under the tree already, I’ve got the stockings and movies in this box but you two go on and start unwrapping.” His mom sets the box down, smiling as she opens it and unloads the last of the Christmas trinkets she owns. Harry watches as she places three festive mugs, a stack of movies and their stockings out on the coffee table, examining everything as she does so. 

Gemma thrusts a box into Harry’s unexpectant arms, her own box already half unwrapped. He tries catching up, ripping most of the paper off with one go but then he struggles with the tape that’s holding the box together, grunts a lot and even tells his mom she needed to ease up on the tape next year. 

They all laugh softly as the kids finish opening their pajamas and examine them to satisfy their mother. 

“These are wicked, Mom.” Harry stands, crosses to his mom and presses a kiss against her head. He holds up the pants she’s gifted him, they’re simple just a dark green plaid pair of pajamas with little reindeer scattered all over them but they’re super soft and Harry can’t wait to pull them sleep with them on tonight. A practical gift that he quietly hopes his mom never stops giving them.

“You two go get changed and I’ll start the cocoa. What movie are we watching this year?”

“Christmas Story!”

“Grinch!”

He and Gemma shout their answers out at the same time then turn to shoot daggers at each other. 

“We watched Christmas Story last year,” Harry groans, rolling his eyes. “It’s my first year home, I should get to pick.”

“It was over skype and you talked through the whole thing.” Gemma rolls her eyes but knows she’s lost, Harry will get the movie he chose because he’s a mommy’s boy and played the ‘i live far away from home’ card.’ 

Harry just smiles a dimpled smile and shrugs, “I missed my Mommy.” He hums, grabbing the Grinch DVD and handing it over to his mom. 

“So it’s settled then? Grinch and hot cocoa, Styles’ Christmas Eve is in full swing.”

“Speaking of,” Gemma hums from halfway up the staircase and Harry sort-of-jogs to catch up with her. “Did you wish Louis a Happy Birthday?”

“Yeah, I texted him earlier. Are you two like best friends or something? You keep bringing him up.” Harry rolls his eyes, knowing why Gemma keeps bringing Louis up. Why she keeps popping up over his shoulder and just happening to notice that he’s texting Liam. 

“Just wondering!” She replies defensively, throwing Harry a smile before shutting her bedroom door behind her to get changed.

***  
_6 hours ago_ **@Harry_Styles:** I got a sick new camera! Watch out Seattle, you’re about to get #captured

 _5 hours ago_ **@Harry_Styles:** Christmas songs… I am your slave

 _4 hours ago_ **@Harry_Styles:** I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas. I'm going to sleep for a while. Wake me up for dinner please.

 _1 hour ago_ **@Harry_Styles:** Mom’s completely lost it. Merry Christmas!  


_15 minutes ago_ **@Liam_J_Payne:** @Harry_Styles ur moms so beautiful….. I mite b in love

 _5 minutes ago_ **@Harry_Styles:** @Liam_J_Payne you’re gonna find yourself single if you don’t quit it

 _2 minutes ago_ **@GemmaStyles:** couple of love birds have flown onto my timeline… hm.

 _1 minute ago_ **@Harry_Styles:** @GemmaStyles Why are you following all of my friends? Don’t you have your own?

 _15 seconds ago_ **@Liam_J_Payne:** @Harry_Styles u cldnt get rid of me if u tried ;)

Harry laughs softly, he wouldn’t dream of ever trying. 

_Just now_ **@LouTomlinson:** OI DID YOU LOSE EACH OTHER’S NUMBERS? DISGUSTING @Harry_Styles @Liam_J_Payne

 _Just now_ **@LouTomlinson:** Anne is looking particularly fit today though, Happy Christmas @AnneCox

 **@Harry_Styles:** I need new friends! Christmas cancelled.

His phone buzzes in his hands, a text lighting up his screen. 

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_merry christmas u and ur mom look exactly alike_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_I can’t tell which one you’re hitting on now_

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_always u_

Harry makes a fake gagging noise to try and diminish the smile stretching wildly across his face.

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_miss u when do u come back?_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_I probably won't be back until the weekend before classes start back up, honestly. So like three more weeks, or something._

For the first time, Harry frowns at the idea of staying in New York. It's strange because he knows he wants to be here, he knows he wants to spend as much time with his family as he can before leaving because he has no idea when he’ll be able to come next but his heart can't help but ache to see Liam again. Especially now that he's gotten used to the idea of having feelings for him. Liam has become so ingrained in Harry’s day to day life that he feels unbalanced being so far away and it's only been a week. 

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_new yrs in new york then? sounds cool_

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_dnt kiss any1 cooler than me_

It takes a minute but Harry has to remind himself that he's not actually dating Liam. They're so loosely fake dating that Harry’s surprised any of their friends even buys it anymore. They don't kiss, they don't hold hands, really. They just sort of lay over each other and call it cuddling. Harry laughs at himself because he can't believe he even had to think about it. They weren't dating. They only kissed once and it was a joke. 

Harry sighs, he must have mistaken all of his day(and night) dreams of Liam sweeping him off his feet as reality. Pity, he bets Liam’s a great kisser. 

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Well, someone has to kiss me! Lol_

Harry shoves his phone in his pocket, deciding to “shut off” for a few hours to enjoy Christmas Day with his amazing mom and horrible, awful, annoying big sister. 

 

***

“I miss him. It sounds so stupid because it's barely been a week but my life is so dull because Harry’s not around.” Liam laughs, rolling his eyes at himself as he rolls over to his stomach, propping his phone but against his headboard so he can still see Louis and Louis can still see him. 

“Yeah? Not at all because your two best mates are halfway across the world.” Louis scoffs, you can see the feigned annoyance in his face as he takes a drag from his cigarette. “Have you forgotten who you used to spend all your time with? Me, Liam! It was me.”

Liam shakes his head, “How could I forget being your perpetual third wheel? Fourth once Zayn came around.” 

“Where is that lad, anyway?”

Liam shrugs, not really caring about the subject change. “Doesn’t matter, we’re talking about my issues.” 

“Right, right.” Louis takes another drag of his cigarette. “What was the issue, again?”

Liam groans, “Harry! Harry’s the issue.”

“Why’s your fake boyfriend the issue? Because you’re totally in love with him and he’s off in New York doing God knows what with God knows who-”

Liam groans again, throwing himself over and onto his back. 

“I’m joking, Liam.” Louis laughs, his tongue tracing his lips. “Young Harold is completely gone for you, you know? Why don’t you just, like, I don’t know. Tell him you feel the same?” 

Liam throws his arm over his arm over his face, burrowing into the nook of his elbow. Louis talks like he’s so certain of everything, like Harry’s told him specifically that he has actual feelings for Liam, but Liam knows that’s not the case. He’s spent months practically throwing himself at Harry with very little thrown back. It’s fine, you know, Liam just really loves being Harry’s friend but he thinks he might explode if he has to hear something about how great of a couple they are again. It’s like having something you really want dangled in front of you just out of reach. Liam doesn’t think it’s fair. 

“I can’t, Louis. I just- there’s a lot riding on it, you know? Harry’s too important to me. I can’t like- risk it all getting messed up.” Liam sighs, moving his arm to wave it in the air. “This is why I don’t do relationships, Lou. I mess it all up.”

“You’ve not messed anything up, idiot.” Louis laughs and Liam wishes he were here instead of just on FaceTime so he could strangle him. “Oh, hold on Ni’s looking for me.”

Liam glances at his phone as Louis lowers his and Liam finds himself looking at a brick wall while Louis and Niall chat in the background. He tries his best not to eavesdrop, whatever they’re talking about isn’t his business, so he hums a song to distract him the few minutes it takes Louis to return to the phone. 

“We have a plan.” Louis sounds too enthusiastic, it makes Liam nervous.

“What?”

“Niall and I have a plan.”

“Hey Payno,” Niall chimes from somewhere off screen.

Liam furrows his eyebrows, grabbing his phone and holding it above his face. “Hi Nialler,” He says absently, “What do you mean you two have a plan?”

“Well,” Louis starts, being gentle and it makes Liam even more nervous. “I told Ni about the issues at hand-”

“Louis!” Liam groans

“- and we came up with a plan. Stop groaning, Liam. It’s unbecoming.”

“Personally,” Niall says, “I’m very offended no one told me you weren’t actually dating Haz.” 

“Louis you told him?”

“All a part of the plan, Leemo! Don’t you fret. Now, I talked to Harry’s sister-”

Liam groans loud enough to drown the rest of the sentence out, forcing Louis to just start over again.

***

“Is that what you’re wearing tonight?” Gemma’s head peeks into Harry’s room through the door he had shut for a reason. 

“Yes.” With a roll of his eyes, Harry turns to look in the mirror. He thinks he looks fine. He’s wearing his favorite pair of black skinnies, his favorite boots, a cool Rolling Stones t-shirt he’s had for like six years.

“Everything on your body has holes in it.” Gemma laughs, invites herself into Harry’s room and crosses to his luggage. “You didn’t pack one nice shirt?”

“I have loads of nice shirts,” Harry groans, swatting at his sister to get her leave his clothes alone.

“What about that black one with the dots? Did you bring that one? You should wear that tonight.” 

“I didn’t bring it, Gem. I don’t have to dress up to go to Times Square-”

“What about that one with the jellyfish on it?”

“-I’m going to be wearing a jacket anyway-”

“That red one with the crazy pattern and scarf thingy?”

“-why should I dress nice just to cover it up-”

“That all black button up that you wore for Mom’s birthday when we came to Seattle?”

“-I’m literally going to be outside in a coat all night, I don’t understand why you’re so obsessed with this.”

“Just wear something other than your ratty band shirt you got at a Goodwill in high school, Harry.” Gemma sighs, going back to Harry’s luggage and pushing some things around. “Mom will want you to look nice, too.” 

“I didn’t pack anything super nice, Gem. You can keep looking but the nicest article of clothing I brought is the Calvin sweatshirt.”

Like clockwork, Gemma pulls the black Calvin Klein sweatshirt out of Harry’s back and holds it up. “This will do. Get changed, we’re going to head out in like twenty minutes, I think.” Gemma tosses the sweatshirt at Harry, smiling as she turns and walks out.

Harry quirks and eyebrow and looks over as Espeon, who’s been napping on his bed all day. “This family is nuts, Espy.”

The cat chirps, turning it into a meow as she rolls onto her side. 

“I know.” He says in reply, pulling his t-shirt off so he could get changed.

***

It’s only four p.m but Rockefeller Center is already so crowded that Harry’s holding onto his mom’s arm so they don’t get too separated. It only takes a moment before he remembers hearing something about some popular artists performing tonight and it all makes sense. Of course people would crowd in like crazy. Harry’s happy that they don’t spend the night in Times Square, there’s too many people, too much of a bustle. Besides, Harry may be visiting New York this year but he’s no tourist. He’s done the ball drop a million times, this year they’re even going to try and pack themselves in like sardines. Still, it’s fun to just come early in the day to enjoy the buzz of the area.

“Should we ice skate before it gets too hectic?” Gemma asks, coming up behind Harry and placing her chin on his shoulder.

“It’s already hectic, Gem.” Harry laughs softly, throwing his arm loosely around his sister’s shoulders. “I say that we grab some of the muffins that Mom’s wanting, take a picture with the nutcrackers and haul ass to Central Park.” 

Harry’s mother laughs softly, shaking her head as she leads her children through the crowd. 

“We can come back before I leave and go ice skating, yeah? I bet I’m still better than you are.” Harry snorts out a laugh as they squeeze between a couple arguing in a foreign language.

“Like hell you are! With those clumsy legs? You’ll break something if you don’t use the walker.”

“Enough, you two!” Harry’s mom breaks it up, laughing as she does so. “Harry, sweetheart. Where are we going to watch the fireworks from tonight?”

Harry chews on his lip for a moment, tilting his head to the side like he’s deep in thought and hasn’t already had the location in mind for weeks.

“Strawberry Fields, I think will be perfect.” Harry smiles, his eyes crinkling a bit against the wind whipping against his face. 

Gemma pulls out her phone, stepping away from Harry to send a text. 

“Is that alright, Gem?” He asks, quirking his eyebrow. 

Gemma hums, nodding as she shoves her phone into her pocket. “It sounds really nice, H.” She smiles but Harry can't help but feel like something’s up. “Let’s grab brunch, yeah? Before it gets too hectic here.”

“Perfect idea, Gem.” Harry’s mom chimes, ducking into a bakery and ending the conversation. 

***

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_hi babe happy nye!_

Harry smiles down at his screen, dropping onto the end of a bench in the park. He hasn’t heard from Liam in a couple of days so even just this most simple text has his pulse speeding up a bit.

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Hey! Back at you! Have any cool plans?_

Liam replies immediately, like he had the messages open and was waiting for Harry’s text and it make Harry’s stomach flip for no good reason.

 

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_oh u kno countdown n all that. think im seein some fireworks if i can find the right place._

 

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_I’ve got the perfect spot in Central Park to see the fireworks tonight._

Harry sighs, taking a big bite from the bagel he’d procured from a vendor in the park. He glances up for a moment, watching a family with two kids make their way through the park. The husband has his hand on his wife’s back and presses a kiss to her temple as their kids skip ahead of them. It makes the bagel in his mouth unappetizing because he’s bitter and alone on New Year’s Eve and for the first time in a long time, Harry actually wishes he was with someone.

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_I wish you were here, Li. I think I gotta talk to you about some stuff, haha._

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_gud stuff?_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Maybe. I don’t know, honestly._

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_well its guna have 2 wait for 2016_

Harry glances at his watch, sighing. Six more hours. Should Harry just text him about it? Should he wait until he’s back in Seattle? Should he step away from his mom and sister for a moment to make a desperate phone call to Liam and spill every bit of his heart out to him? His phone vibrates in his hand before he can make a decision.

**From: Liam  
** To Harry  
_I hear the citys rly beautiful on nye do u watch the ball drop?_

Harry’s thankful for the subject change. He doesn’t feel like thinking too much about the impending new year and all of the choices he has to start making. 

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Nah, Times Square is for tourists. I’ve done it a few times but we just walk around Rockefeller Center for a while then head into Central Park._

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_They set off fireworks in the park and there’s a four mile run and just little things to do. It’s free and laid back and very not crowded._

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_the runnin cant b fun in the snow_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_I figure not but there’s not any this year, it’s actually kinda warm._

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_its 45 degrees outside how is that warm_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_It’s warm for December in central NYC lol_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_How do you know the weather here?_

Liam sends a screenshot of his weather app, cropped to show the cities he has saved. Seattle, New York, Tacoma, a place in England that’s probably wherever Louis is. 

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_i save the best cities_

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_You’re something else, Liam._

**From: Harry  
** To: Liam  
_Hands are getting cold from texting, can I call you later? After midnight here. Maybe we could wait for the west coast to catch up together?_

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_id love to ring the new year in w u H_

**From: Liam  
** To: Harry  
_stay warm!! tlk 2 u soon!!_

Harry locks his phone and shimmies it into his jean pockets, sinking a bit on the bench and tossing his head back. Maybe Harry will call Liam in a few hours and tell him everything. Maybe that’ll be his New Year’s resolution. Maybe everything will work out in Harry’s favor for the first time in so, so long.

Maybe 2016 is going to start out the way Harry wants it to.

***  
“Five minutes til Midnight.” Harry’s mom chimes, raising her gloved hands in the air as celebration. 

Harry raises the cup of hot chocolate he’s clutching in response, cheering quietly for the news. He took the time to glance around at the other families gathered among the benches surrounding the Imagine mural. It’s not the busiest he’s ever seen it but there’s still plenty of people moving through the area, either looking for a place to sit their tired children or using the time before the fireworks go off to explore the park. Harry can’t imagine what Times Square must look like, thankful that for the time being tourists weren’t interested in his favorite spot of the park.

It’s just a relaxing place, the noise levels are always soft and everyone’s respectful because they just want to enjoy it like everyone else. Harry smiles over at the old, tattered man with a guitar in his lap as he starts to strum a familiar tune that starts to get everyone’s attention. 

“Imagine all the people... living for today... Ah ah ahhhh...”

It’s something that Harry and probably anyone that’s ever been to visit the mural is used to hearing it in the park and it brings back summer memories of laying on a bench just staring up at the sky until the sun started to dull and he had to head home. It reminded him of being younger, carefree. 

The crowd starts to sing along on the second verse, more joining in for the chorus and Harry just keeps smiling. He watches his mom mouth along, watches husbands sway side to side with their wives in their arms.

“Should we talk about resolutions?” Gemma asks quiety, nudging Harry to get his attention.

“ _...you may say I’m a dream…. but i’m not the only one…_ ”

“Sure, have anything good?” Harry smiles over at his sister, tossing an arm over her shoulders. 

“Nah, think I’m gonna try and brush my hair every day though.”

Harry shakes his head, stifling a laugh in his shoulder. “You’re so brave, Gem.” 

They laugh softly together, Gemma patting Harry’s knee as they quiet back down. “What about you, H? You’ve always got such good ones. Remember when Mom used to make us write them down and put them in a jar and we’d open them the next year? You were always the only one who accomplished it.”

Harry nods, “Yeah, i think doing that kind of made me feel like I had to. They were all simple, though. Eat healthier, raise GPA, stuff like that. Don’t forget that year I tried to make sure I went to bed before midnight every night.”

Gemma laughs softly, “Right, right. I stumbled onto you awake at two am eating rocky road and watching TV. You just looked at me and said “I can’t do it.”” 

Harry laughs with her again, falling silent for a moment and turning his focus back to the crowd. The man with the guitar’s started the song over again, probably planning on playing it until the countdown starts. 

He thinks about what he wants to accomplish this year, what he wants the outcome to be and how he thinks he can achieve it. Harry sighs, offering Gemma a shrug.

“I think I just want to be happier this year. Happier and kinder and let myself enjoy things again.” His eyebrows furrow a bit, upset that he’s let himself be contorted into a bitter and cynical person the last few years.

“Get a bit of the old Harry back?”

Harry nods at that, “Yeah, think that’s a good idea.”

“Me too, Harry.” Gemma smiles at him fondly, their dimples matching for a moment.

“One minute!” Harry’s mom shouts, breaking up his and Gemma’s moment. 

The crowd around them cheer, singing Imagine a little louder. Harry stares up at the sky poking through the trees, pure black with no hint of stars. It makes him long for Seattle, where you can see the stars, even through the ambient light of the city. A lot of things make him long for Seattle and he thinks that he finally has a grip on all of it. He finally understands why New York doesn’t feel like home anymore despite him being in the company of his mom and sister.

“Thirty seconds!” Someone from the crowd cheers and the guitarist plays the last chord, letting it fall off on it’s own. Gemma stands up, grabbing Harry’s arm and pulling him up with her and they turn to face the direction of the Naumburg Bandshell. 

Harry chews on his lip as he watches the night sky through the trees and starts to mentally list off things he wants from 2016. This year’s going to be different, he’s going to be different. He’s going to be sociable again and actually spend time with people who care about him. He’s going to let himself feel good He’s going to let himself move on. He’s going to be happy. He’s going to be happy. He’s going to be happy.

“TEN!” The crowd starts chanting, kids jumping up and down from excitement.

“NINE!” A little girl hands Harry a tin noisemaker and Gemma a confetti popper.

“EIGHT!” Gemma and Harry switch party favors and laugh about it.

“SEVEN!” 

“SIX!” He can almost hear the yelling from Times Square.

“FIVE!”

“FOUR!” Harry joins in now, smiling at his mom and getting his confetti popper ready.

“THREE!” He’ll call Liam as soon as the noise has settle down.

“TWO!” Gemma starts to twirl her noise maker.

“Harry!” 

Harry furrows his brows, confused because it’s not his mom’ or sister’s voice that’s calling his name. It’s deep, warm and familiar. Somewhere in space and time, muffled to Harry’s ears now, the crowd shouts “ONE!” and Fireworks start to boom across the sky.

“Shit, this park is big.” Liam laughs softly, grabbing Harry’s waist and pulling him in a bit closer.

Harry just stares up at him unblinking, confusion written all over his face because… this can’t be real. Then Harry tries to blink but when he opens his eyes again, he’s still being held and he’s still confused and his heart is still about to beat out of it’s cage.

“KISS HIM ALREADY!” Gemma shouts from somewhere behind them, her noise maker loud in Harry’s ear suddenly.

And so Liam does as he’s told, leans in and bumps his nose against Harry’s softly like he’s asking permission so Harry nods and the gap’s closed. It’s a first kiss but it still manages to feel familiar. It feels like safety and happiness and all the times Harry’s daydreamed of this moment. It makes him feel warm and blurry around the edges. It makes New York feel like home. It makes Seattle feel like home. It reminds Harry that sometimes, home has a heart beat.

And there’s fireworks, in Harry’s mind and his heart. And there’s fireworks between his and Liam’s lips. And there’s fireworks in the dark, New York sky. And it’s magical.

Harry drops his confetti popper in favor of wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck like he has to hold him here so he doesn’t disappear and Liam’s lips are slotting against Harry’s so perfectly like they’re trying to tell him that he never will. 

Gemma cheers, picking up the confetti popper and setting it off so it explodes all over Harry and Liam.

“Happy New Year’s.” Liam mumbles when their lips finally part and he presses his forehead against Harry’s. 

Harry’s still a bit breathless, he sucks cool air into his lungs then blows it out through his nose. “What are you doing here?”

Liam shrugs, rubbing his hands up and down Harry’s waist before wrapping his arms around him completely. “Kind of Louis’ idea?” 

“Thank God for Louis.” Harry laughs softly, his eyelids fluttering shut as Liam just holds onto him and he holds back. 

Liam laughs, pressing his lips against Harry’s for another kiss, slow and methodical like this moment’s been thought through for hours by the author of Harry’s life. 

***

He’s dizzy to say the least. Everything’s sort of been spinning since midnight hit and Harry doesn’t see then end in sight any time soon. He spent the entire walk from the park and to the hotel Liam was staying at with his fingers desperately clinging to Liam’s like the moment could slip away at any time but it’s been about thirty minutes and Harry can still feel Liam’s presence next to him. It feels steady, warm, permanent… Everything that Harry imagined it would feel like and more. 

He feels feather light, like his body’s not even real. He knows it exists because he could see himself in the reflections of windows that they passed but if he didn’t know any better he’d say that it was hovering at least three feet off of the ground and he’s only being tethered by the way Liam’s thumb makes soothing circles against the back of Harry’s hand. 

It’s almost too much stimulation, Harry can feel it in every inch of his body. It makes him shiver, makes him hum. Liam looks over at him with his eyebrows raised but Harry can’t voice anything so he just smiles in response.

They’re almost to Liam’s room, Harry assumes as Liam lets go of him and digs into his pocket to pull out the plastic room key. “It’s not like.. Much.” Liam laughs softly, pushing the last door of the hallway open. “I only got it through my dad’s work.” He flips the light on, shedding his coat and draping it over a nearby chair, his shoes following as he heads deeper into the room.

Harry’s eyes go a bit wide though because he’s never stayed in a hotel like this, nothing fancier than a Holiday Inn _Express_ and if this isn’t much to Liam then he wonders what is but he just nods, shedding his coat and shoes to mirror Liam’s actions.

“Have I done something wrong by coming, Harry?” Harry’s eyes snap to Liam, who’s rubbing the back of his neck and has his other hand shoved into his jean pocket. He looks so bashful, so worried that he’s done something wrong and Harry hates it but he can’t string together the right thoughts. His head’s just a confused ostrich screaming into the void and he doesn’t know how to voice that to Liam without sounding insane.

“Li.. fuck, no, of course you didn’t do anything wrong.” Harry crosses the room, discarding his jacket on top of Liam’s and placing his hands on either side of Liam’s head. “You idiot, fuck. No.” Harry presses a soft kiss to Liam’s lips, his stomach flipping as he does because there’s no way he’s going to get used to this feeling. 

“I’m just so surprised, so confused.” He laughs softly, leaning away from Liam so he can see his entire face. “And I don’t think my mind’s registered… Any of this.” Harry gestures between their chests, then to the room around them. “I-” Harry pauses, chewing on his lip. He’s torn because one side of his brain is so excited, running around in circles and doing jumping jacks and freaking out because Liam flew to fucking New York City just to surprise him and that has to mean something. It has to mean a lot of something. Then there’s the part of Harry’s brain that’s still trying to hold onto his pessimism, reminding him that he gives in too easily and then gets his heart hurt. Then his heart weighs in, reminding him that Liam would never do anything to hurt it. It’s just all.. “It’s a lot.” Harry mumbles.

Liam nods, his lips not quite stretching into a smile like Harry longs for them to. “Yeah, yeah. I get it.” Liam sighs a bit, his breath hitting Harry’s face before he pulls away completely and takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

“How’d you get here? I mean, you flew across the country during one of the worst travel weeks. Was it always the plan? Did you know before I left?”

Liam shakes his head, sighing a little. “Nah, made the plans Christmas night. Booked the flight immediately, the hotel was harder to get but my dad has a lot of connections since he travels for work.”

“You could have stayed at my mom’s house, Liam.”

“I wasn’t sure how tonight was going to play out.”

“Either way, you didn’t have- I can’t imagine how much this costs you.” Harry frowns, kicking himself for thinking about money when the literal love of his life is sitting across from him in a hotel room in New York City.

“It’s not…” Liam sighs, “That’s not really an issue for me right now.”

Harry furrows his eyebrows, “What? Spending probably half of the money we make in six months to come to New York wasn’t an issue?”

Liam drags his hands down his face, “My parents have money, H. I don’t talk about it, it doesn’t matter.”

Harry’s forehead wrinkles when he raises his eyebrows. Then it all sort of makes sense. Liam going out and buying Harry enough groceries for a week when he thought Harry was sick, paying Harry back for the thai food, renting the car to get him to the airport. 

“You’re rich?” 

Liam groans, “It’s not like that, H. They help me out with rent so I have some extra money from work but I’m not rich.”

“Rich enough for this place. For it to not be much.” Harry’s lips twist into a frown, there’s so much they don’t know each other still. 

“I just wanted to spoil you. There was going to be champagne, you could wear the comfy robe…” Liam sighs. “I’m sorry, Harry. I know this probably seems really outrageous. It kind of is, actually. But-” Liam shrugs, falling quiety and looking down at the pattern on the carpet.

And Harry hates that because Liam looks defeated, looks crushed and it’s because Harry’s gone and made a big deal about something that really doesn’t matter. What matters is that Liam literally flew across the country on New Year’s Eve to surprise him in Central Park. What matters is that Liam continues to put Harry above everyone else, continues to make Harry feel special.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Harry reassures as he crosses to sit gently on Liam’s lap, relieved when Liam’s hands find his waist and hold him there. “Remember when I told you I needed to talk to you?”

Liam nods, tensing up a little bit under Harry’s body and it’s enough to make Harry kiss him all over his mouth until he feels relaxed again. “It’s nothing bad, Li.” Harry whispers as he pulls back. “Not two seconds before you showed up I was thinking about you.” 

Liam quirks an eyebrow as he watches Harry speak.

“Mhm.” Harry nods. “I was saying I wanted to call you, tell you everything, ring the new year in.” He answers Liam’s unanswered question as he pushes his fingers through Liam’s hair. “I was going to tell you how mad I am for you.” Liam laughs softly, shaking his head and Harry nudges their noses together. “I’m completely gone for you. Truly.” 

It’s quiet for a moment so Harry presses his forehead against Liams. It’s been so long since he’s talked about how he’s felt about someone. It’s new and terrifying but Liam’s worth every moment of it because Harry thinks that Liam deserves to know how loved he really is, he deserves to feel half as good as he makes Harry feel and to know that he’s the best person that Harry’s ever met.

“I told my mom about you,” Harry says gently. “The real story and how I think-” Harry pauses nervously, taking in a long breath. “I think I’m in love with you?” His eyebrows meet in the middle, a dramatic crease between them. “I more than think I am, really, I know I am. And I’ve wanted to tell you for so long but.. Li, fuck.” Harry leans back again, his eyes bouncing around Liam’s face. He’s searching for a trance of anything that would help him read how Liam’s feeling but when he falls up short, Harry starts talking again. “You deserve so much more than me.”

Liam opens his mouth to protest but Harry hurries to stop him. “No, Li. I’m serious. I’m such a mess and I haven’t even began to actually sort myself out, you know? I know that I want to. I want to be good enough for you. I know who I want to be and how much I have to change to be him again but right now I’m... rude, alienated-”

“Grumpy?” Liam adds, a smile finally breaking across his face. “A bit pretentious? Unsociable? Assumes the worst in everyone’s actions? I could go on.” 

Harry’s lips twist into a pout, which Liam leans up a bit to kiss away before he lets out a breathy laugh and continues. 

“Harry, I know all of those things and so, so much more because those aren’t the qualities that make you.” Liam raises his eyebrows and tries to meet Harry’s eyes. “You’re also incredibly smart, you’re talented. You’re headstrong and passionate.” Liam rubs Harry’s waist for a moment before raising one of his hands to rest under Harry’s chin, making sure that Harry’s listening. “You care so much about your friends and your family. You’re not one sided.” Liam presses his lips to the tip of Harry’s nose. “I know you, Harry Styles. And I love you, too.”

“Are you sure?” 

Liam laughs, wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist tightly. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure about anything in my entire life.”

“Okay, don’t be dramatic.” Harry rolls his eyes, a slight smile threatening his lips. “That’s my job.”

With a laugh, Liam falls back onto the bed and pulls Harry with him. It takes a minute as they tangle and untangle themselves in each other, the blankets, each other again but eventually they still, facing each other with barely any space between them. 

They’re quiet for a moment, just watching each other. 

It feels like they’re back home in Seattle, not in a random hotel that Harry’s never stepped foot in before, in a city that Liam’s never been to before. They’re at home in the silence that falls amongst the room. They’re at home in the comfort. They’re at home in each other. 

“I mean every word, Harry.” Liam whispers, his eyes bouncing around Harry’s face. “Every single thing.”

Harry nods slowly, “I know, Li. Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! you can find/yell at me on [tumblr](http://seventyx7.tumblr.com/)
> 
> also check out the tag I have for the fic inspiration and #looks [here!](http://seventyx7.tumblr.com/tagged/fic+4)


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